Molly - Sarah Monzon Page 0,28

the night. She’d had to stay late at my house a few times already, but for the next month she’d need to spend five nights a week at my place. She didn’t seem put out at all, and I’d breathed a sigh of relief to have someone I could rely on to help with Chloe when I needed.

The night float shift really wasn’t a punishment in my mind, although I wouldn’t tell Feinburg that. Not only did I now have a set schedule at the hospital, I had more time during the day with Chloe. I’d need to catch a few hours of sleep in the morning, but we could spend most of the afternoon together.

And anyway, I only had to endure Dr. Feinburg for the rest of the month, then my rotation in pediatrics would begin and I could kiss surgery goodbye. Family physicians needed a wide range of training, so residents in the field did rotations in emergency medicine, surgery, geriatrics, pediatrics, internal medicine, obstetrics-gynecology, and psychiatry.

I couldn’t wait to go into private practice and put this hospital business behind me for good. Though the walls were scrubbed and everything sterilized, it seemed nothing could rid these halls of the memories and heartache so many people left behind. My own were painted across the walls a few floors down. A room in labor and delivery that had taken me days to be able to step foot in without emotion clogging my throat or tears stinging my eyes.

Ghosts haunted the white, seemingly innocuous room, if only in my mind. A place known for bringing life and joy into the world—and it was, even for me. But life and joy came hand-in-hand with death and sorrow. Those memories were so vivid I was scared to entertain them. Both for the pain they caused and the fear of them fading.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of Laura. How could I not when the reminder of her stared back at me in the face of our daughter? At first it had hurt too much to look at Chloe. To think of Laura. But even deep wounds heal over time, and now thoughts of my wife didn’t bring a fresh sting of pain powerful enough to bring me to my knees. Instead, the memories brought along with them a sensation of peace. Of acceptance. The barrenness of winter melting away and the promise of spring on the horizon.

And on the heels of each memory of Laura came thoughts of Molly, confusing as that may be. I could be picturing Laura’s soft brown eyes, but then they’d morph in my mind to Molly’s wide, blue-green gaze. I’d hear Laura’s light laughter on a breeze, then the rhythm would transform to Molly’s infectious amusement. The changes left me in a tailspin, grasping for the comfort of the past but finding myself facing an uncertain future.

At least, an uncertain distant future. The next fourteen hours would be, I hoped, routine. I grabbed my stethoscope, pager, code pager, and a time sheet, mentally preparing for the next hour of handoffs.

Drew walked toward me, file in his hand and grin on his face. “Going nocturnal, eh, Reed?”

“And I have five days on and two off with set hours. Not to mention Feinburg can no longer treat me like I’m an idiot just because I don’t put the hospital and his demands higher than my daughter’s needs.” Okay, maybe I was a little bitter at having to take the attending’s put-downs the last few months, but it wasn’t my fault he was divorced and had a kid that wanted nothing to do with him because he was never there for his son. I wasn’t about to make the same mistake just to prove my loyalty and passion to medicine.

Drew held up his hands in surrender. “I hear ya, man. I still think you should report him. That guy has been nothing but a bully to you.”

My smile held no humor. “Didn’t you hear? Tyranny is the newest and greatest teaching technique.”

“Yeah, right. Anyway, things have been relatively quiet around here the last few hours. Keep an eye on Mr. Mendall in room 510. He’s been complaining about pain in his incision site, so I upped his dosage of fentanyl as well as NSAIDs. He’s been stable throughout the day. Oxygen levels, heartrate, and blood pressure all within normal range. If his pain becomes unbearable even on