The Mix-Up (Southern Hearts Club #3) - Melanie Munton Page 0,88

expression softening. “Why don’t you explain to us what you didn’t explain to Ryder?”

Well, I’m about to physically bare all—why not emotionally, too?

“If I turn down this job, I need it to be about wanting to stay at The Colson Group because I love my job, I’m happy where I’m at, and I’m excited about my future there. It can’t be about not wanting to be that far away from Ryder.”

Harper tilts her head. “Why not?”

“Because that would mean I’m sacrificing my career for a man.” It would make me my mother.

“Or it just means that you don’t want to leave the man you love,” Sloane corrects, emphasizing the last word.

“That’s a leap,” I mutter bitterly. “You think just because he drives me crazy and gives me the best sex of my life that I’m in love with him?”

“Yes,” they all say at the same time.

“Cheeky bitches.”

“There’s nothing wrong with admitting you want to be with him,” Quinn says. “You’re saying you’d rather sacrifice love by taking that job and moving to Atlanta than actually being happy?”

“So, it has to be one or the other?” I snap, my temper rising. “Love or a career?”

“No,” Sloane says slowly. “Who said you can’t have both? Not taking that job and staying at TCG isn’t going to hinder your future, Gretch. You’ve told us over and over again you love that job. Don’t let the attraction of more ruin your happiness now.”

“Exactly,” I bite out. “I am happy now. But what if that changes? What if I decide somewhere down the road that I do want more and I’ve squandered my opportunity for it by turning this job down?”

“There are always going to be job opportunities,” Harper says emphatically. “But how many opportunities do you think you’re going to have in life to find love? Men like Ryder don’t grow on trees, hon.”

I bite my lip, unused to being the one in the hot seat. “But how do I know it’s…forever? Love can fade, right?” I’ve seen it. “What if that happens to us and I’ve ended up making all these major life decisions based around him? And by the time I realize it, it’ll be too late to go back?”

Like my mom. If she’s truly happy with my father, you’d never know it. If she’s maintained her own individual identity over the course of their marriage, I don’t know what it looks like. All I’ve ever seen is military wife and devoted mother. Not bad things, but I want to stay me even after the bond of marriage and family.

Ryder has already consumed me.

I feel like this job offer is my first test. I don’t want to be weak like my mom and follow Ryder around everywhere like she’s followed the Major. I already work for the man. If we actually start dating, I’ll feel weirdly beholden to him. Like I’ll already be in his shadow.

Sloane swipes her hand through the air. “Whoa, slow down. First of all, no one ever knows whether or not something is forever. That’s what trusting and believing in the other person is all about. You have faith that you’re going to last forever and you try your best to make it happen. That’s all any of us can do. But if you truly love that person, you’ll keep trying and you’ll never give up, no matter what happens.”

A few moments of silence follow as I process that.

“Aside from the career aspect,” Quinn says from her position against the wall, “why is this freaking you out so much?”

Now, we’re getting to the meat of the animal.

The thick thigh. The juicy tenderloin.

“The more you have in your heart, the more you have to lose,” I confess in a low voice. “The stronger you feel, the stronger the heartbreak.”

What they may not know, because I’m so skilled at hiding my emotions, is that when I lift that gate and allow everything to pour in, I tend to feel too much. I haven’t had to be in love before to know that when it’s for real, I’m going to do it with my whole heart and soul. And if I do that and it all goes away one day, where does that leave me? A shell of my former self?

It’s why I’m almost grateful to the Major for his methods in raising Ross and I. He taught us how to shut it all down. It’s so much easier to go through the daily nuances of life when you can block