The Mistress - Jill Childs Page 0,83

would you?’

I’d been grateful. I thought he was proving himself to me, apologising for his affair with Laura Dixon, showing me the kind of man he’d be in the future, if I stood by him and went ahead with his plans.

I shuddered.

My mind leaped on. Laura Dixon. She’d found out, she must have. That was what she was threatening to tell. That he’d been harassing his underage pupil.

Ralph had raged when I told him that Laura’s threats were just bluster. Why would she risk going to the Head, to the governors? We’d argued about it. After all, if they fired him, wouldn’t she lose her job too? She was just as guilty as he was, if they called his conduct unprofessional.

She was crazy, he’d said. Vengeful, all because he’d broken things off.

She was out to ruin him, he kept repeating, raking his fingers through his hair. We had to disappear before she acted, before she made her delusions public and this whole madness blew up in his face.

Think of the shame, the humiliation. He had turned large, wild eyes on me. Not just for him. For me. For Anna.

And then he set out details of the fraud which would allow us to escape it all, to start again, together.

Now, I tried to focus on breathing, to ease the pain. How could you, Ralph? I didn’t know what I’d do if a grown man, a married man, harassed Anna like that, when she was just a teenager.

I thought again about Megan. She’d looked haunted, her eyes hollowed. She’d trembled when I forced her to go through Ralph’s books.

How can I tell you? she’d said. I can’t tell anyone.

No wonder she’d struggled to concentrate, to revise for her exams. Every essay must have reminded her of Ralph. Every novel. Every poem.

I blew out my cheeks.

You’ll blame me, she’d said.

I saw it, now. Megan had kept her mouth shut about Ralph’s abusive behaviour, not because she cared about him but because she cared about me, her family’s kind and helpful friend. And about Anna, her little sister’s playmate.

I leaned forward and reached for a tissue, wiped my eyes, my nose.

I’d trusted him. I’d closed my ears to the voices that told me he’d never change, he’d always cheat on me, he’d always lie. No, I’d told myself. Deep down, he loves me. He loves Anna. We really can start again.

But this? He’d betrayed me in the worst way possible. Lies. Nothing but lies. Even now, he hadn’t let go of his obsession with Megan. Maybe he never would, until his longing was satisfied.

She thought he was dead but by texting her now, he was putting everything at risk. Our secret. Our new identities. Our futures.

Not just his. Not just mine. But Anna’s too.

That was something I couldn’t allow.

Fifty-Three

I barely slept that night. As day broke, I lay, silent, staring at the weak sunlight creeping in patterns across the ceiling. Sounds drifted in. Alien, country sounds.

My head ached. I hunched into a ball, frightened, stomach churning.

Once the sun was up, I padded through to Anna’s room. She was lying on her side, her lips parted, her breath sounding in little puffs. She’d kicked off the duvet and her legs were bent and scissored, as if she were running away even as she slept.

I covered her again, then made myself a strong coffee and took it back to the bedroom. I sat at the window to drink it, looking out across the valley. The fields looked lush with dew. The sun, strengthening now, was burning off the mist. I sat very still and tried to feel its warmth, to take strength from it.

Once we’d had breakfast, I drove Anna to the nearest town to find a supermarket and stock up on food. We pretended to be explorers, searching the cobbled streets on foot, looking at postcards and stuffed toys, sweet shops lined with old-fashioned jars, outdoor equipment stores with tents and waterproof jackets and climbing gear. It was all a game to her, for now. We were playing at being here, not settling.

We held hands as we walked, swinging our arms. I tried to play along, not to let her see how frightened I was.

In the supermarket, I chose a marbled slab of steak for Ralph and a chocolate cheesecake, his favourite dessert. Anna chose a tub of chocolate ice cream. She skipped out of the supermarket back to the car, beaming, clutching a family-sized box of cereal to her chest, her spiky hair shining