The Mistress - Jill Childs Page 0,28

so personal. The feel of his hands on my skin.

Calm. A family crisis could mean anything. A parent. A brother. A niece or nephew. So why did I feel such a sense of doom?

I think I knew, deep down. I just couldn’t admit it, even to myself.

I hung around as the others gathered together their coats and bags and surged into the corridor. I positioned myself next to the science teacher who’d led the session.

‘Sorry to hear about Ralph,’ I said as evenly as I could. ‘Hope it’s nothing serious?’

He gave me a short, sideways glance. ‘Anna’s hurt her arm. They’ve taken her to hospital.’

He turned away from me to speak to someone else.

Olivia Fry, coming up behind me, added, ‘She fell off the monkey bars, that’s all. They just want to check it’s not broken.’

‘Anna?’ My mind whirled.

Olivia nodded. ‘Anna Wilson. Year two.’ Her eyes were on my face. ‘His daughter. Didn’t you know? You must have come across his wife, Mrs Wilson. She comes in for reading.’

I gazed at her vacantly. Mrs Wilson. His wife?

I managed to stutter, ‘That’s dreadful.’

Olivia said, ‘I’m sure she’ll be fine. They just thought they’d get it X-rayed.’

She turned and disappeared with the others, off to the pub. Leaving me staring after her, feeling a fool, my heart cracking and breaking into bits.

Anna Wilson. His daughter.

Why hadn’t he mentioned her? Why hadn’t he told me he had a wife?

He called me late that evening.

‘Did I wake you?’ His voice was a whisper. I wondered where he was. Hiding somewhere in the house, away from his wife, calling me furtively. It made me sick to think of it.

‘How’s Anna?’ My voice was strained.

He sighed. ‘She’s fine. Just a nasty sprain. Darling, I’m sorry. I need to explain.’

Darling? My heart twisted. I wanted to sob, to berate him. Why, Ralph? Why didn’t you tell me? I wanted him to know how betrayed I felt, that I’d just been sitting here, crying, feeling my heart break. Instead, I said stiffly, ‘Yes, Ralph. You do.’

A silence. ‘I’m sorry. Really, Laura. I wasn’t sure how much you knew about me.’

He sounded exhausted. I hesitated. Part of me didn’t even want to listen. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, to slam down the phone. But he sounded so desolate, so sad. I wanted to reach down the phone and brush the floppy hair from his forehead, to take him in my arms and comfort him. Oh, Ralph.

I waited, pressing the phone to my ear.

‘It’s complicated.’ He sounded hesitant. ‘Things with Helen…’ He broke off. I hardly dared breathe. ‘Things aren’t so good. They haven’t been for a long time. That’s no excuse. I know that. But, oh, Laura…’

I strained to listen. That catch in his voice, was he crying? I bit my lip.

‘You won’t leave me, will you?’ He sounded pitiful. ‘I’ll make it up to you, Laura. We’re good together, we really are. We haven’t known each other long. I don’t want to make promises but—’

He broke off. I ran the back of my hand across my eyes.

‘Why didn’t you tell me? I’d no idea…’

His voice sounded so strangled, it hurt me to hear it. ‘I meant to, Laura. I really did. It’s just all happened so fast. And I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe you’d heard that I… well, you know what school’s like.’

I shook my head. I imagined Olivia whispering to Hilary about the two of us leaving the group together. The gossip in the staffroom, in the corridors. He was right. I knew exactly what school was like.

‘I’m sorry. I’ve done this all wrong, haven’t I?’

I couldn’t answer.

‘Laura. You still there?’

I swallowed. ‘I’m still here.’

‘It’s different with you, Laura. It really is. You feel it too, don’t you? Don’t tell me you don’t.’

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

‘We’re good together. We belong together. Don’t walk away from me.’ He sounded so desperate. ‘Don’t do that, Laura. Please.’

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t do this on the phone. I needed him here. I needed to see his face.

‘But you’re married, Ralph.’

‘I know. Just give me time. Please. I don’t want to lose you.’

The room swam. I was so tired. I didn’t want to hear any more. Not yet. I needed time too, to think. I listened to the silence, imagining life without him, going back to the emptiness.

‘I don’t know, Ralph.’ I hesitated. ‘Just try and be honest with me. Please.’

He let out a rush of breath.