‘Not at all. It was a very hard time. For all of us.’ Nancy’s eyes glaze over as if she’s gone to another place and time and it’s only the tears that are forming keeping her present.
‘Can I ask a question? Feel free not to answer if you don’t want to,’ Tess says.
Nancy involuntarily shudders. ‘Go ahead. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.’
‘The reason we discovered you were real is because we found your name on an old electoral roll for Clive’s address. If you weren’t married, why did you live there? In those days it was different, wasn’t it?’
‘That’ll be the hard time I’m referring to. Clive’s injuries meant he needed a lot of care. When they wanted to send him home, he wasn’t able to look after himself fully independently. His mother had passed away a few years before and his father wasn’t in the best health. His dad, Keith, suggested that I come to live with them to help. It was an opportunity to get him better and hope that in time, he’d remember me. It took over a year, and in the end he got back on his feet, but those first twenty-four years and any memory of me were gone.’
‘He didn’t fall in love with you all over again as you nursed him back to health then?’ That’s how the movie would play it out.
‘I only stuck with it as long as I did because I was holding on to that hope. Sadly, the injuries had turned him into an angry young man, frustrated by his condition. He only ever saw me as a carer. He genuinely thought his father had employed me to look after them both. When his dad passed away, I helped make the funeral arrangements and as Clive was much better and able to cope by himself, he sacked me.’ Nancy gave out a little laugh at that. The absurdity of it clear to anyone listening. ‘I took it as my cue to leave. There was no point continuing to cling on to a relationship that ended the day he was injured. It broke my heart, but it was the only thing I was able to do.’ Nancy clears her face again, the napkins disintegrating with the number of tears being shed. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘We should be saying that. This must be quite the shock,’ I say, wanting to extend a hug across the table even though I never do hugs. The pain this lady has been through is palpable, reaching out through the years.
‘It is a shock. In all that time, he never called me by my name. I never thought I’d hear him say my name, let alone think that I’m his wife.’
‘Would you like to see him again?’ I need to find out. Knowing that Nancy is alive changes everything. Clive doesn’t need to live through the trauma all over again if she doesn’t want to know. But with Nancy here spilling tears over their lost love, does it really have to be so lost?
‘He’s not here, is he?’ Nancy glances round in a panic.
‘No, he’s not. I just wondered if you did want to meet up with him now you know he has some memory of you.’ In my head there is a happy reunion in the future that doesn’t take into account what Nancy must have endured all those years ago. ‘What am I thinking?’ I say. ‘You must be married and have children of your own. It was a lifetime ago. I understand if you don’t want to see him. He doesn’t know that we’ve made contact with you.’
Nancy composes herself with the help of the extra napkins Tess passes over. ‘I have three cats and no children. I’ve had a few relationships over the years, but the trauma of what happened with Clive never left me. Life can be very cruel and I think I was always scared of something like that happening again. Tell me, what does Clive remember of me?’
‘To be honest, I’m not completely sure. The problem is it’s been very muddled. At first, he thought that you’d been living together as husband and wife. But as he was told that he’d been hallucinating, and that was what I’d been led to believe too, I’ve not really probed him on the matter. As it had upset him in the first place, I didn’t want to upset him further, particularly as at the