They reached a corner and turned. Many of the houses were of multiple occupancy so there were more cars than buildings and at every pavement they had to navigate dodgy parking.
‘Thank you for being so understanding. Is there anything else you want to talk about?’ Clive sensed there was something on Keisha’s mind.
There was a long pause as their feet crunched on broken twigs that a recent April shower had torn down.
‘Can I ask you a personal question?’
Clive had been in receipt of lots of personal questions recently. Being under the care of the hospital and the scrutiny of the police had seen to that.
‘You can.’
‘I’ve been wondering… You showed me you had a scar. What caused it?’
‘I used to be a lion tamer,’ Clive was quick with his run-of-the-mill reply. ‘One of them got me one day.’
The response didn’t evoke the laughter it usually received.
‘What really caused it?’
‘I wish I knew.’ Clive placed his hand on his elbow. The scar wasn’t visible with his coat on, but even blindfolded, he reckoned he would be able to accurately trace the wound.
‘Do you really not know?’
‘It was a random chainsaw attack.’ Clive said it with a smile in the hope it’d make Keisha grin, but his usual humour wasn’t going to work. He clearly needed to dust off his pocketbook of jokes. ‘I honestly don’t know,’ he said with a shrug.
Keisha glanced away, paying more interest to where her feet were landing. There was a small crack like a starburst in the pavement, where a weed was pushing through. A gum wrapper, complete with chewed gum, discarded on the ground. An unlucky scratch card abandoned in a puddle.
‘Something happened to me,’ Clive said, ‘but I’m not sure what. My memories from what happened never came back. I was attacked, as far as I know, but it was such a long time ago. Sometimes I trace that line and feel a connection as if I can go back to find out what went on. But I’m only ever filling in the blanks. So when people ask, I guess. But I figure you knew that already.’
‘So you really have no idea? Did you tell the doctors about it?’
Clive shook his head. ‘No. It happened a lifetime ago and it doesn’t ever give me any bother. It’s an old arm injury that I can’t vouch for. I don’t see any point in telling people about it.’
‘I just wanted to know if you really didn’t remember or if it was a cover story.’ Keisha’s gaze caught Clive in that way she had of really looking into him. Through him, even. ‘Sorry to ask. I wanted to be sure.’
‘And are you?’
‘Yes, I think I am.’
Clive wished he was. He didn’t feel sure about anything. For years he’d been putting one foot in front of the other, leaving his past behind him. It seemed to be where it belonged, and the truth was he didn’t know what had happened. Not now and not then. Because if you say you’re a lion tamer enough times, don’t you begin to believe it in the end?
37
Keisha
I feel anxiety prickle against my skin. It is never far from the surface and here it finds its way through because the place I’m going to is new. I thought that knowing that the house belongs to Clive would make it easier. A home from home. He’s my friend, therefore his place should be friendly.
But as I walk to it, I know it isn’t true. I’m somehow channelling the anxiety Clive has for this place. I’m expecting to see blood splatters on every surface of the kitchen even though I know there are none.
I try to think about later instead. About when Lucy will be home. I’ve made her a banner ready for when she returns from the hospital, but I’m making myself scarce. A small effort to avoid being Rob and Lucy’s gooseberry.
Those happy thoughts get me to Clive’s house without a panic attack taking hold. I’m glad. I don’t want that to be the predicament I’m in every time I meet up with George. He’ll start to see my weird more clearly if I do.
George is in the throes of preparing multiple brown boxes for us to fill. I find myself looking forward to helping our friend by spending the day getting his place clear.
The house has a small, perfect lawn in the front garden. There are borders filled with plants ready to bloom again come the