to check where they kept the mugs. That would have given his cover away immediately.
‘I’ve been looking into new housing possibilities. This is all very nice, but it’s a bit bland. I need somewhere to call home again.’
‘I have some good news for you, in that case.’
‘You do?’
Not being entirely truthful with the police was making him feel somewhat of a criminal. Staying at the university wasn’t the world’s biggest crime, but it could be classed as trespassing if he were to be found out. For some reason, he felt sure he was in trouble. He’d not expected them to declare they had good news.
‘Yes, the forensic tests haven’t come up with anything. Your house is all yours again. We wanted to be certain, but you’re free to move back in whenever you wish.’
‘Really? They didn’t show anything?’ There had been a part of Clive expecting the police to find something.
‘Nothing.’
‘But…’ Clive’s mind went back to what he thought had happened. It had seemed so real.
‘I know what played out in your head was very upsetting. It was an unusual case for us and, because of your altered state of mind, we didn’t want to dismiss the possibility. We wanted to make sure we hadn’t missed anything.’
‘But you have, haven’t you?’
‘What would that be?’ The two colleagues glanced at each other, a look of pity in both their expressions for the eccentric gentleman in his bright shirt.
‘Nancy.’ The name left his mouth like a heavy stone dropping in the ocean.
‘Nancy wasn’t there. Nancy was never there.’
‘If that’s true, why does it feel like she was?’ He knew something was amiss, but arguing with the police didn’t seem like the smartest move, even in his new life as a semi-criminal, however much he was beginning to believe he was right and they were wrong.
‘Like I’ve said, we’ve looked into everything. We’ve investigated more than we originally planned just to make sure. We’ve even checked the records and you’ve never been married. I don’t want to upset you by dwelling on the fact, but as the doctors have said, those events and the memories of Nancy were clearly brought about by delirium.’
It seemed impossible that Nancy was made up. Even though this had already been stated to Clive, he realised the police involvement had given him hope. Not that he’d ever want to come home and find his wife dead. No one would want that. What he’d hoped was real was that feeling, that companionship and life together. He kept seeing it in fragments. The moments when he’d returned home to his wonderful wife who’d made a casserole with vegetables from the allotment. Then he’d see the same moment once more, only this time he was alone, washing and chopping the veg himself. Two versions of his life kept playing in his head and he was at pains to tell the difference.
‘The important thing that we wanted to let you know is that you can move home.’
Clive shook his head. Even if they were trying to convince him that his life with Nancy wasn’t real, somehow it didn’t feel like it was a home any more without her there. It made no sense at all, but there was a blood-stained carpet in his head and it was enough to block any rational thought.
‘I’m going to continue looking for somewhere else to live. Thanks all the same.’
He didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but his despondent tone gave him away. He was back to being Mr Cantankerous. It had been on the cards ever since his trip out.
‘If you ever need anything, you have my card,’ said PC Doyle.
Clive nodded sadly, the false memories stirring up far too many emotions. ‘If you hear they’ve created a memory erasure, you let me know.’ He attempted a smile, but it fell beside that stone in the ocean.
31
Keisha
‘You look wretched,’ Tess says when I arrive at the café the following Tuesday. I didn’t make it in yesterday after spending my time making sure Clive got to the house okay for his police interview and then worrying the entire time he was there.
‘Sleep’s been evading me. It’s been a strange couple of days, as you know.’
‘Do you know how the meeting went?’
I take up my usual seat and Tess delights me when she immediately produces a vegetarian lasagne for us both and joins me.
‘Clive said it was only to let him know that he was able to move back to his house.’