And there is something more than that… Something that by my standards is bewildering. I missed a time slot.
At the end of the previous day there were fewer recordings in my notebook than there have ever been. It must have been the gingersnap biscuits distracting me. Clive was beyond belief that I’d never tried one before. He insisted I should and my senses were blindsided by the melt-in-the-mouth snack, so much so that I had two.
Two biscuits and no half-hourly pulse check. It is a whole new world.
‘Go,’ I say to poor Mrs Baldwin, who has been waiting patiently, wondering if her reflex skills are part of the test.
I concentrate on her as she walks up and down, Clive carefully taking note of the number of times she has done so. We have come to a happy harmony. Each with our own eccentricities and methodical ways. Today he has worn a favoured pale-blue jacket along with a bow tie the likes of which I’ve only ever seen in Mary Poppins. Even his attire makes me smile.
I’ve been wanting to ask him questions about his past. About whether he has ever been in love with anyone other than his fictional wife. Whether perhaps when he was younger he was engaged. But I want to avoid putting any thoughts in his head, like Dr Hutchins has said. I’m left waiting in the hope he’ll bring those things up.
When Mrs Baldwin has left with some extra pink wafers in a tissue, Clive asks if we can discuss the plan to visit some retirement flats over our lunch break.
‘Ah.’ It is rare that I am ever busy over my lunch, apart from catching up with Tess when I can. ‘I’m actually doing something.’
‘Are you?’ The note of surprise in Clive’s voice is unmissable. ‘I mean, of course you are. Naturally. Why wouldn’t you be?’
‘I know I’m a creature of habit.’ I smile at him, knowing he can fit the same description. ‘But as it happens, I have a date.’
Clive raises an eyebrow. ‘Really? Well, that is something that can’t be missed.’
‘It’s my forty-first,’ I say, realising I should have kept it to myself.
‘Forty-first date? Is that not clocking up into something of a relationship? You’ve not mentioned the lucky man, or woman, before.’
‘Not my forty-first date with the same person. It’s a first date. I’m not sure I’m very good at dating, to be honest, hence all the firsts. Tess believes that there is someone out there for all of us. She’s the one that’s been encouraging me to do it.’ I’m not sure why I’m telling Clive this.
‘If Tess believes there’s someone out there for all of us, what do you believe?’
I ponder this for a moment. I believe in physiology. I believe that only certain things are guaranteed, right up until they aren’t: the drawing in of a breath, the electrical impulse of a heart, and the ability of the cerebellum to let us know if we’re upright. They are the things that I believe a human body is capable of. But these interactions with their unknown quantities, they are what I don’t understand.
‘I like to believe that somehow the human body would know if it had met the one. That in some way, shape or form it would react and let you know. I guess it wouldn’t surprise you to know that I always take my pulse when a date arrives. I’ve always expected it to give a little jump.’ I stop talking, realising my hand is over my pulse point, almost as if I was hoping that there will be some trace of what that feeling is.
‘It’s not always like that you know. It’s not always love at first sight.’
‘It was for you, wasn’t it?’ I seize the chance to take a glimpse into Clive’s world. The story of him and Nancy meeting sounded like true love. When he first mentioned their tea dance it struck me as being a kind of Cupid’s arrow scenario, where the heart misses a beat or gives off a sign. I shake my head, forgetting myself. Nancy isn’t real. That story hadn’t been real.
‘Oh yes. It truly can be like that. I knew the moment Nancy spoke to me. But I’m not sure that it’s the heart that reacts first. It’s your pupils dilating or your cheeks flushing. The heart comes later. Now, where are you going for this date today?’