Miss Austen - Gill Hornby Page 0,98

her eyes were bulging, that once-pretty face polluted by a look of pure, mortal terror.

“It’s a seizure!” cried the nurse. “From nowhere! I never saw anything like it!” She was jabbering, all professional competence seemingly vanished.

Cassy grabbed a wrist and felt a pulse: It was wild. “How long?” she asked urgently. “How long has she been like this? When did this start?”

“I cannot be sure, m’m … Five minutes at least.”

Five minutes? What had the woman been doing all that time? “Give me the laudanum,” Cassy demanded. “Then help me to get her back on the bed.” And in a gentle voice now: “There is no need to panic, Elizabeth. My dear, calm yourself. I am with you. Listen to me. I am going to open your mouth now.” But the tongue was so enormous, the neck horribly swollen; Elizabeth was writhing. Cassy had to struggle and fight to get the drops in. It took all of her strength. There! At once Elizabeth slumped, her head lolled. Had Cassy succeeded? Had the drug worked its magic? Desperately she searched for the pulse again.

Her search was in vain.

* * *

GODMERSHAM PLUNGED INTO DARKNESS. The dearest of wives, most devoted of mothers—the radiant center of this huge, happy household—was wrenched away, and replaced by a torment of suffering.

Edward was stunned by his grief, restless in his misery; the poor motherless infants bewildered and lost. Cassy worked tirelessly to comfort and see to them. So all-consuming was the present that she did not have time to stop and think of the problematic future. Until the night after the funeral, when Fanny appeared in her room.

“Oh, Aunt Cass.” Fanny climbed up into bed and the arms of her aunt. “What is to become of us? How can we cope? I cannot do it. I am no equal for Mama.” She wept violently.

“My dear, hush now,” Cassy comforted, her heart bursting with pity. Oh, how she remembered this feeling. To have the one life you know torn away from you; to be forced into another against your will: That was bitter, indeed. “You are an excellent daughter, a great solace to your poor, dear papa. And as an eldest sister, you are remarkable. You understand those children better than anyone. My love, you will manage. It will be hard, but you will. The Lord sends us these challenges in order that we rise to them and become stronger and better as a result.” She took the sweet, wet face in her hands. “It is what your mother would expect of you.”

“But I am not properly prepared!”

“You are more prepared than you know. Elizabeth was a fine wife and mother, and she raised you, with her own impeccable standards, to be exactly the same.”

“Yes, in five years or ten … Not now, though, not yet. I fear I shall fail. It is too much for me. Please, Aunt Cass, I beg of you. Please, will you stay?”

“I shall stay for a few months, until you are all settled.”

“No. Stay forever. It is you who should be my father’s companion; you who must bring up the children. You must live here, with us. We cannot do it without.”

Fanny slept then, the shallow sleep of a soul in deep turmoil. Cassy held her close, awake and in thought. Long ago she had seen Kent as her only solution. When she was here after Tom Fowle died—which baby was that? Number four, number five?—and searching for some means of survival, this was the one she had hoped for: to live on the edges of a young family as an invaluable, invisible appendage. How different she was now, how very altered. Ten years, it seemed, was enough to change every pore of one’s being and corner of one’s heart.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING EDWARD called her into his study.

“I believe Fanny came to you last night.”

“She did, the poor darling.” Cassy sat down in the leather armchair. “She was a little overwhelmed by the situation but will rally in time, I am sure.”

“It is her suggestion … She would like … Well, we would both like it if…” Poor Edward. He was as lost as the children; all that easy confidence vanished. “Well, if it would suit you … to come and live among us here.”

“Oh, my dear brother. I feel for you all so deeply, and will do anything in my powers to help you all.”

“Yes?” He looked up, blue eyes encircled with shadows.

“And I shall come to stay