Mismatched Under the Mistletoe - Jess Michaels Page 0,59
been through. Would you like a drink? I have tea or whisky.”
Her eyes went wide. “So early?”
“If it’s after one, my grandfather believes it’s not too early. And today I happened to agree. Tea then?” He moved to the sideboard and began to grab for a cup. Her favorite cup, of course.
She shifted. “The whisky isn’t the worst idea.”
He glanced at her over his shoulder. One more comment that didn’t bode well for his heart. But he managed to keep his calm as he traded a teacup for a tumbler and poured her a finger of whisky and a finger of water, since he knew she didn’t like it straight.
He handed it over, careful not to touch her as he did so. He feared if he did, this might become messier than it needed to be.
“Please, sit,” he said softly. “I heard you got back to Town last night.”
She arched a brow. “Our gossip circle has reported well. I did. I…stayed at Crossfox a few days longer. I needed the time.”
He swallowed and watched her sip her drink, then down the entire thing in one gasping gulp. He did the same and set his glass aside. Liquid courage for what he was about to say.
“I’ve tried to be patient,” he said. “I know you need your space, and perhaps it isn’t fair, but I must know. What decision, if any, did you come to, Emily? About me. About us.”
She pushed to her feet and walked across the room. At the fire, she turned and folded her arms. “Do you know how difficult all this has been?” she asked. “When I am struggling, I talk to you. When I’m hurting, I talk to you. When I’m confused, the only advice that ever makes any sense is…yours.”
He was holding his breath and had to let it out to say, “Because we’re friends.”
She moved a little closer. “Because you are the most…” She caught her breath. “…the most important person in my life.”
His hands shook as he slowly rose to his feet. “Emily,” he whispered.
“When you told me you loved me, it frightened me down to my very core, Cav. Because I didn’t want to lose you if this changed things too much. But as the hours passed, as the days passed, what you told me really sank in. The meaning of it became so very clear. You’ve been in love with me for years.”
“I have,” he said.
She shrugged. “And it hasn’t changed anything. So I had to stop thinking about it from your side and start thinking about it from mine. I’m the one who will change everything or destroy everything. And it kept me longer while I pondered what that would mean.”
He found difficulty making words as he stared at her. “And what did you decide, Emily, as you pondered your side of this? I don’t think I can wait any longer to know. Please tell me what it is you’ve decided. Because I can see you’ve decided something.”
“Of course you can,” she said with a smiling shake of her head. “Of course you can. So I won’t leave you waiting any longer.”
Emily’s words choked her but she fought to say them, just as she’d practiced all last night and during the walk over to his home from hers. But now that he was standing before her, it was hard to think of anything except just how handsome he was. And how much she wanted to take his hand.
But first she needed to say these things.
“If you cannot wait to see someone every time they’re gone, if you miss them so much it hurts, if you think about them all the time…that’s love, isn’t it? It’s all love.”
She expected him to smile, to move toward her, to be joyful in her declaration. But instead his shoulders rolled forward a fraction and his brow wrinkled. “What you are describing…it could also be the love of friendship, Emily. Listen to me: I know you don’t want to hurt me. You are too kind to do so. But I don’t want you to talk yourself into loving me just to make me happy or to keep our friendship intact.”
She stared at him. He looked so devastated at the thought, but also resigned. He was willing to let her go to make her happy. And that made her emotions swell all the higher.
“Oh dear, I’m making a mess of this. I’ve explained it all wrong,” she muttered. “Let me try again. While I was at