Misfit in Love (Saints and Misfits #2) - S. K. Ali Page 0,87

in concern. “Oh no, are you okay? What happened?”

“Can you not ask about it now? I promise to tell you on our ride back home.”

In answer, she puts a hand on my back, and I let her rub it, grateful for it—all of it. The silent way she accepted my request, that she didn’t look over at Nuah again, and that now she’s just gently letting me know she cares.

Uh-oh, I see Haytham waving me to the gazebo.

It’s for the roast.

With Nuah.

* * *

Haytham looks at his clipboard. “So you guys are on right after my little cousins do their thing for Sarah. Right before Zayneb. You have about five minutes to prep if you want.”

Nuah and I stand behind the gazebo, in the space before the row of trees that surrounds Dad’s property. There are other people waiting for their turn onstage, and I’m surprised by how many of us there are.

Nuah’s tilted away a bit and gazing toward the water. “Assalamu alaikum.”

I have to answer that. It’s a greeting of peace. “Walaikum musalam?”

“No, I mean that, Janna. I want us to both stand on peaceful grounds when we’re around each other. I don’t want you to feel anything except okay when you’re talking to me.” He clears his throat and swallows. “And I hope we’ll talk to each other. Ummah-wise, you know? Because I care about you. And I always will.”

I’m just going to be transparent. I have nothing to lose. “Then why were you so distant from me? From the moment you came up here?”

“Because I was caught up in this thing with Sumayyah, and then, the more I realized that you were interested in me, the more scared I got. So yeah, I retreated from it all.”

“I wish you’d just texted me before.” I won’t dissolve, I tell myself. “To tell me about her. Like a friend would.”

“I should have.” He looks right at me, before looking down at his feet. “I’m really sorry. It doesn’t make sense how I acted. I think I just completely pushed it out of my mind, the possibility of me and you, and so it was easy to not involve you in what was happening. Maybe it was a coping mechanism—to keep you out of it.”

I think about that. I just took it for granted Nuah would always be there. Which was my fault.

“It’s okay,” I say. “You weren’t the only one who did that. Keeping people away. Maybe I’m the one who should really say sorry first.”

For taking you for granted.

“Sorry.” It comes out of us at the exact same time, with the same somber inflection, which makes us both laugh.

Even though, inside, I’m hurting.

“Are we on peaceful ground? As friends? Salaam?” Nuah asks, a smile left over from laughing still on his face.

I’m glad that I’m able to say in a steady voice, because it’s so true, “Yes. Always, insha’Allah.”

It’s only at the end of saying it that emotions rise, and I need to swallow the lump filling my throat. And though it’s hard, I know I have to apologize for something else. “And I’m sorry for not seeing the way my dad was. The way he is. I guess that makes me a part of his problem—to be able to close my eyes to it all.”

He nods. “There’s more going on than what you see. Or think. Microaggressions are hella hard to put a finger on if no one’s paying attention.”

And I’d thought it only happened out there—from non-Muslims to Muslims—and so I failed to see it right under my nose. I tear up again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, though. Hey, I got my job at my dream company that I’m returning to on Monday.”

And you’ve got Sumayyah to look forward to, too. “And a roommate who’ll supply you with Haribo halal gummy bears for the rest of your life,” I add, feigning jealousy on my teary face.

He breaks out in a smile at that, a genuine Nuah smile, and a wish for him blooms in my heart: that he find happiness on his road ahead—even if it’s with Sumayyah.

So I’m able to give him a real smile back.

* * *

“When you consider the potency of Muhammad’s unsocked feet, it’s troubling,” Nuah announces on the gazebo stage.

Oh man, I realize before I add my part, we sound like the ’Arrys, who Sarah had so not wanted to have at the wedding. How did this make sense to me and Nuah before? “But when