Mine - HelenKay Dimon Page 0,85
eyes moved down and onto the next. “I’m fascinated by how and why you memorialize all of these moments.”
The comment hit him with the force of a punch. Spoken like a woman who didn’t have much she wanted to remember. He hadn’t really thought . . . insensitive fucker that he was. “Did you have any good ones?”
“Sure.” She didn’t look at him. Didn’t stop looking at the photos. “That’s what lures you in, makes you think things could change. You have dinner outside at the picnic table or go to a family event. For those few hours you have fun and run around. It’s not until you get home that the yelling starts and you realize you had fun the wrong way.”
Every word sliced through him, making him wish he could make it better. He spent so much time being angry at Rick for fucking up everything and for the decisions being forced on him that he’d forgotten how lucky he was. He had a support system. He ached for her not having one.
“I wish . . .” Jesus, he had no idea how to finish that so he didn’t even try.
Her head popped up then. “What?”
The intense stare had Gabe stumbling over his words, but he finally got this thought out. “I could bring him back to life then kill him for you. Do something to make this better.”
He meant every word. If there were a way to take on her pain and relieve her of some of it, he would have done it.
She closed the album and leaned an elbow on it. “Seeing you with Brandon makes me smile.”
Gabe didn’t force the issue. If she needed to change the topic, he would. “He’s a good kid.”
“Your kid.”
An alarm bell rang in his head. Something about the way she said it and how stiff she held her body. He sensed he hovered one step away from danger. “Damn straight.”
“Maybe you should—”
“Don’t say it.” He couldn’t hear it. Not from her. Not from one of the people he’d come to count on to make good decisions.
“I’m just trying—”
“I raised him.” Gabe stood up because sitting made him twitchy. “I fought for him and begged Linda to keep the pregnancy. Actually begged. Paid her money, made her promises. I would literally have done anything to convince her.”
The memories rushed over him. They’d been so young, and Linda wanted out. She’d rethought not going to college and no longer liked the idea of being stuck with a guy in the military. Really didn’t want a crying baby.
She’d been moved around her whole life thanks to her father’s inability to hold on to a job. Maybe that spooked her, or the Rick issue did. Whatever the combination, it took every ounce of strength Gabe had to win the birth battle.
She’d made the choice based on his promises. He’d never broken them. Never would. Never tried to reach her or make her be involved. Raised a good son, just as he vowed he would. “Linda didn’t want to be pregnant and certainly didn’t want me. I didn’t know then about Rick, but she’d gone from having these intense feelings to not wanting to be near me.”
Natalie put the album on the table with the others. “You loved her.”
“With all the conviction of an overwrought seventeen-year-old who welcomed any way out of his house.” With Brandon’s birth, Gabe lost his father. The old man refused to be a part of what he termed a ridiculous decision.
Over diapers and through deployments and time apart, struggling through the teen years and the times Brandon tried to buck authority. Through it all, Gabe would not have changed one damn thing. Looking at Brandon’s face right after he was born sealed the deal. Nothing else mattered the way his son did.
“Now how do you feel about her?”
Gabe didn’t have any trouble following the line of Natalie’s thinking and rushed to ease her concerns. “My feelings for her faded a long time ago. Trust me, there is nothing left.”
“But you have Brandon.”
Gabe nodded. “Yes.”
“No matter what.”
He gave her credit. She’d circled back around. Sounded so reasonable. He knew he should listen, but the idea of allowing in any doubt, even for a second, had him throwing up a wall and backing away. “The DNA test isn’t happening.”
She eased back into the cushions. “It could prove Rick is wrong.”
“I don’t care what a test says.” He was desperate to make her understand that simple fact. Blood didn’t make a father.