to the airport just as the flight is boarding. When we sit down at our seats and finally have a chance to rest, she looks for any other members of the race and, finding none, says, “We must be so behind. Do you think they’ll send us off when we get to wherever we’re going?”
“I don’t know,” I say. Because I don’t.
I don’t know anything anymore. Even the things I thought I knew.
I feel like it’s all up in the air.
ALOHA, HAWAII
Nell
Yes. We are back in last place. Made it through by sheer luck again. I’m looking forward to spending our downtime on the beach. I’ve never been to Hawaii before.
—Nell’s Confessional, Day 13
After a brutally long connecting flight, we end up on the platform in Maui at eleven the next morning, covered in leis from the girls welcoming us at the gate. We throw our bags down, waiting for Will Wang to tell us we’ve been eliminated, because he’s giving us the puppy-dog sad eyes again. “You are, sadly, in last place, but once again, you’re in luck,” he says to us, his face magically brightening. “This is a non-elimination round!”
I turn to Luke, tired and still sore, and we hug again. I feel all jetlagged and weird, like I could sleep for a day.
Then Will gives us the best news ever: We’ll have the entire day to hang at the hotel and relax before the game picks up tomorrow. There will be something called a farewell luau at night with the other three remaining couples, which makes me look at Luke, my eyes widening.
Farewell. We’re almost done.
It’s so funny. It’s been nearly two weeks since I said goodbye to Courtney at the Georgia Tech rec center. And yet I feel like I’ve changed and grown and become this completely different person. Like when I get back to my apartment and try to fit into the life I left behind, I’ll be a square peg in a round hole.
As much as I miss Courtney, when I think of home, a deep, depressing sense of dread settles in. I’m trying not to think of it so much, to just live in the moment.
“Remember to set your alarm clocks so you don’t oversleep!” Will says to us with a wink.
Luke mutters something under his breath at him and then says to me, “What do you want to do? Beach?”
I nod happily. I can’t wait. To just sit out on the beach under a palm tree with one of those fruity little umbrella drinks and my beautiful hunk by my side? Sounds perfect. I even brought a bathing suit just for this purpose.
The Million Dollar Marriage staff really outdid themselves this time. For this site, we’re staying in a little cabana on the beach. It’s a beautiful place with open windows to let the breezes blow in and a lanai that steps right out to the ocean. I quickly get changed and come out as Luke is going through his stuff. He looks up at me and shakes his head. “Sweetheart. That ain’t you.”
I look down at my racerback tank bathing suit. It’s modest, and I thought it’d be good for challenges. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he says, reaching into his bag and pulling out a tiny red bikini, the strings of which dangle down, “you should wear this.” It looks practically microscopic.
I blink. “Hell no. Where did you get that?”
“Just now. In the store. I saw it and thought it had Penny Carpenter written all over it.”
I gape at him. “That money is to get us from place to place, not to be buying—”
“Put it on.”
I take it, biting my lip as I look at it. It rivals the underwear he bought me. Cameras are going to be on me. And I’ve never worn stuff like this in my life. I mean, I’ve actually tried them on, wondering if I could pull it off, but I never got out of the dressing room.
But . . . fine. Time to live in the moment.
I go back into the bathroom and return wearing the bikini. “Happy?”
He nods, reaching out and wrapping both big hands around my waist and pulling me to his hard chest. He cradles my face in his hand, the pad of his thumb running over my lips. “I don’t think I can let you leave looking this way.”
“Fine by me,” I say, blushing. “There are cameras out there.”
He lets me go and reaches for his own suit. “You and