in my hair and thrusting that little tongue of hers into me like she can’t get enough.
And the cameras capture every last beautiful minute of it.
FRENCH IN THE DARK
Nell
Sure, I kissed him. It was an amazing experience. No, it doesn’t mean anything. We were both just high on adrenaline. There’s nothing to read into, believe me.
—Nell’s Confessional, Day 3
I kissed him.
Oh god, I kissed him.
That’s what keeps cycling through my mind as we hike to the next outpost. Luke doesn’t mention it. Doesn’t touch me again, even just offering a hand to help me scale the rocks on the trail. But I can still feel his heat, and my lips feel raw from his stubble. I know I’ve never been kissed like that. Never in a million years did I think I could be kissed like that.
What does it mean?
Nothing, of course. That’s what happens when you overload on adrenaline.
We don’t talk much. The sun is fading in the sky, and we need to get to the outpost. Feeling brave and a little reckless after the zip-lining experience, I do pretty well keeping up with him, even though the trail is steep. A crew member gave us each a pack with hiking gear, food, and other necessities, but Luke didn’t bother with any of it, so neither did I. On the way up, we pass Ivy and Cody, who are resting, but we don’t see anyone else. Then, though Luke assures me Ivy’s part of his alliance, we spend the next hour trying to race each other to get the best position.
We end up coming in about ten seconds ahead of them.
When we throw our stuff down on the platform, Will Wang announces that we’re third.
Third!
“Holy cow!” I shout as he pumps his fist and pulls me in for a quick, clinical hug.
I read into that, of course. It’s a hug a person would give his sister, one that says he’s regretting the kiss.
It makes my stomach twist.
The guide leads us into a clearing. It’s dark by now, and all I see are trees, until I look up. And what I thought was the moon and the stars is actually the moonlight reflecting on the windows of tiny treehouses. “Welcome to your next outpost, where you’ll be spending the night among the trees. Enjoy.”
We have to climb a rickety ladder to get to the front porch. I’m a little worried, since the last place we stayed wasn’t so great, but when I flip on the lights, I’m charmed. It’s adorable and clean, and there is a fireplace going.
Of course, there are some drawbacks. The big one is that it’s romantic. Like I need romance right now, especially with all the thoughts of that kiss still going through my head. One bed, of course. No running water.
I’m not as bone tired as I was before, so we decide to go down to the campfire to have some food. That’s where we find out that Ace and Marta once again came in first, followed by Brad and Natalie. As we grab our barbecue and sit down at the fire, Ace and Marta get up and leave.
“Something we said?” Luke says, grinning at me.
And it’s that grin that makes my insides turn to mush. Or maybe it’s the “we.” Whatever it is, I feel like I’m more than just an obstacle in his way. For the first time, I feel like I’m truly in this with him.
Luke clearly knows Brad; I can tell they must have allied sometime during the filming. They talk like old friends. Natalie, the motorcycle chick who is on the older edge of things, is quiet but nice. We actually end up laughing together as we talk about our experiences. I’ve never fit into a group like that; Courtney is the only real friend I’ve ever had. But I can tell Luke just effortlessly gets along with everyone, and he manages to draw me out and add me to the conversation, so I feel like I belong. It makes me feel so warm and squishy and . . . yearning to have this kind of life back home.
It makes me almost dread going back to my boring apartment with no boyfriend, no social life, no job, no future.
After the rest of the couples show up, we learn that Jen, the workout-video and weight-loss guru, and Elliott, her “husband,” who was a rather large guy, were eliminated.
It’s pretty late by the time we head up to the treehouse. “I’m beat,”