One of Lucas’s tools clattered to the floor and he muffled a curse. It was so un-Lucas-like that I almost jumped. “Hold that thought,” he said, after retrieving his voltameter.
Half an hour later, he was done. My finger sported a new scar, but no hologram projector. Seemed like a fair trade.
Lucas packed his tools into a soft leather pouch and then perched on the bed near me. “Now, why did you say that? About turning yourself in?”
I fiddled with my altered finger. “I’m tired of everyone ending up hurt. Or dead. Even Quinn. I’m sick of the violence. Maybe this whole thing is futile. Running. Trying to figure out his plan.”
I shot up off the bed and started pacing. “Who am I kidding? I’m no hero. I can’t even save myself,” I said, thinking of the box he’d held. His fingertip hovering an inch or so away from the switch. “Maybe the best way I can help save lives is by turning myself over to him.”
“Mila,” Lucas started. I whirled on him.
“Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t tell me I’m being melodramatic, or that you can’t see that just maybe, I’m right. Don’t lie to me,” I warned. Knowing that my sudden flare-up was only a flimsy cover for a bottomless pit of despair.
He waited me out. When I finished, he patted the bed.
Reluctantly, I sat back down. Then he took my hand in his. “I wasn’t going to say that you’re being melodramatic. Anyone with a heart would struggle with this.”
My jaw dropped. What kind of pep talk was this, anyway? Even Lucas had given up on me, and it was too much to bear. I started to pull away.
“Wait. Please,” he said. “Because that’s my point. Anyone with a heart. Meaning you.”
I stopped edging away. “We both know my heart is fake.”
“Says who? How do you define a heart? Because I’m going to tell you how I do.” He bridged the gap between us and rested his fingertips on the top left of my rib cage. Feather soft, but solid all the same. “People use the term heart in two ways. To describe the body’s anatomical pump, but also their emotional center. Their reservoir for love, and compassion, and all the good things that make some humans amazing.”
Beneath his fingers, my android heart fluttered.
“Some people, like my uncle, they don’t have that second kind of heart. The most important kind. Even animals have the first type. There’s nothing inherently special about that. It’s the second type that distinguishes us. Our capacity to love. To feel empathy. To grieve, and to give.”
When he paused, a vein throbbed in his temple, and his eyes blazed. As serious as he often was, I’d never seen him quite so intense.
“It’s not what we’re made of that makes us human. It’s our choices and our feelings that do,” he said. Slowly and deliberately. “And in that sense, you are a thousand times more human than my uncle will ever be.”
Neither of us blinked. I wasn’t even sure I could if my life depended on it. Finally, he dropped his hands to the comforter and bowed his head. “Please don’t ever say that again.”
I continued to sit without moving. Just looking helplessly at the unruly hair on his bent head. Lucas had always made it clear that he appreciated me, but this was something more. This was unwavering faith. A precious gift.
He lifted his head, and his hazel eyes glistened. “Please,” he repeated.
I placed a tentative hand on his chest, mimicking his action a moment ago. “I won’t say it again. I promise. But only because I believe in your heart.”
His eyes burned torchlight bright. So bright that I could feel something in me simmer. Then his lashes swept down, and his gaze fell away from mine. “Then I guess that will have to be enough. For now.”
He captured my hand and gave it a final squeeze before rising. “So, are we sticking with the plan to visit Sonja tonight?”
I knew I should be relieved to be back to normal. Better than normal, in some ways, since I knew I would never be visited by another hologram from Holland. Then why did my chest ache with sudden loss? I wouldn’t have minded lingering longer with Lucas. But we couldn’t waste any more time. Every moment we were in the dark about Holland’s plan, he could be hurting people. Killing them. Just like he had killed Quinn. And probably Sarah.