Merry Misrule - St. Clair, Ellie Page 0,50

I know?”

She hoped she did, but she couldn’t be sure. She shook her head, just to make him say it.

“I know because of how I feel about you. You are far from a servant, yes, but you were also not raised as part of the ton. I find myself, however, not overly caring. It’s not a life that I strive toward. I have my own life now, can sell my commission, and I can do with it what I will.”

A flicker of hope began to burn in her chest, but she didn’t allow it to take flame. Not yet.

“You would go against your family to be with me? As Caroline did?”

He reached out and traced a finger down her cheek, and she couldn’t help but nuzzle her chin into his hand.

“I find myself willing to do anything for you,” he said softly but intently. “I know I was beastly to you, Joanna, I was. But,” he closed his eyes tightly for a moment as he took a breath, and as much as she wanted to hear what he had to say next, she interrupted him.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. No,” he sighed, “just a headache.”

She now placed her hands on his shoulders and steered him over to the bed.

“Sit,” she said before crossing to the washbasin and rinsing a rag in water. She placed it on his forehead. “Now,” she said softly, “tell me what happened to you.”

He looked up at her, his brown, full eyes meeting hers, flickering for a moment as the navy ring around them gleamed.

“I’m just frustrated. And a little tired.”

She tried not to smile at his attempt to skirt her question.

“You know I don’t mean what happened to you today.”

He sighed, closing his eyes and lying back on the bed. She lifted a blanket from the floor, wrapping it around her shoulders as she sat down next to him.

“It’s not much of a story, really. It was during the battle at Salamanca. I must have taken a blow to the head, but to be honest, I can’t remember it actually happening. When I came to, the battle was nearly over, and I was lying there in the middle of the filth and blood and — but you don’t need to hear that.”

“It’s fine.”

It did hurt her to hear it, to think of him lying there, all alone, hurt, left for dead. But she needed to hear it. Needed to understand what had led him to becoming the man he was today rather than the boy she had known — or the boy she thought she had known.

“I was a bit confused, unsure of where I was or what I was doing there. Eventually a man from my company found me and led me back. When I couldn’t remember what I was doing there or anything much from one day to the next, they sent me to a recovery hospital in Portugal. I slowly improved to the point where they sent me home.”

He stopped, looking off toward the dirty window, as though he could see beyond it, back to the battle.

“Why did you go?” she asked softly. She had wondered since Caroline had first told her that his father had purchased a commission. It didn’t seem typical of Elijah, and while he had proven himself, she was still curious. Had she so misjudged him?

He looked down at his hands.

“It was actually Alex’s idea,” he said with a wry smile. “He said it was something we would do together. He told me that I should ask my father to pay for my commission first, said it would warm him to the idea. I thought he was being generous. But then when it was his turn—”

“He reneged,” Joanna finished for him, and he nodded.

“He said he wasn’t fit for war. I couldn’t go back on my request. It was the first time my father had ever actually seemed somewhat proud of me.”

Joanna swallowed, compassion filling her for the young man who had only ever wanted his family’s admiration. Who still did.

“Did you tell your family about what happened to you?” she asked gently.

“Not about the memory loss. Just that I had a head injury.”

“That’s why you didn’t remember much when we first… met,” she said, unable to help her grin.

He nodded in return. “My memory is getting better — slowly,” he said. “I recognize people, but sometimes can’t remember their names, for example. I know what I want to say, but sometimes I cannot quite remember the word and