Merry Measure - Lily Morton Page 0,62
and an awkward silence falls. I gesture at the bench. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
He grunts, but he shifts up, and I settle in next to him. We both stare out at the canal in silence for a few minutes.
Eventually, I stir. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that, Tom.”
He turns to look at me. His face is flushed, and he looks cross. “You’re sorry I had to find out like that, or that I had to find out at all? I don’t know where your fucking head is, Jack, but—”
“I was always going to tell you,” I interrupt calmly.
He checks the flow of angry words and stares at me. “What do you mean?”
I turn to face him. “I mean that I wouldn’t keep something like this from you. I would always have told you.” I grimace. “Granted, I can think of better ways for you to find out.” We both wince, but I look at him steadily. “But I wasn’t going to hide under the covers and let Arlo lie for me.”
“Why?” The question is sharp.
“Because I like him,” I say simply.
“For a roll around in bed? That’s my fucking brother, Jack. He’s practically your little brother too.”
“No, he isn’t,” I say sharply.
He grimaces as if he’s acknowledging what he’s just said. Some of the anger dies away, and I can see his innate fairness coming through. It’s one of the things I love most about him.
“Okay. That was a crappy thing to say.”
“It was,” I say quietly. “Arlo’s never been that to me, and you were making something shitty out of something that’s…”
My words die away, and he stares at me curiously. “Out of something that’s what?”
I bite my lip. “That’s completely different from anything I’ve had before,” I finally say.
“Oh my God,” he says in a tone of astonishment. “You like him.”
“I do,” I say simply. “I wouldn’t have started this if I didn’t. You know that, Tom.” I take a deep breath. “And I need to know whether you’re going to be okay with this.”
He watches me closely, his eyes so like Arlo’s, bright and curious. “That depends,” he says finally.
“On what?”
“On why you like him.” I look at him in confusion, so he elaborates. “Tell me why you like him.”
I wonder what this is about, and then shrug, the words flying smoothly off my tongue. “Because, although he’s clever and funny, he’s always kind with it. Because he’s got a merry heart and just being near him cheers me up. Because whenever I’m with him, I’m more me than I’ve ever allowed myself to be.”
He looks stunned. “You more than like him, don’t you, Jack?”
I blow out a long breath because the truth is still a surprise to me. “Honestly, I think I could do.”
“Doesn’t that scare you?”
I shake my head and stare unseeingly out over the canal. “Not with him.”
“Why?”
“Because I know I’m safe with him.” I look back at him. “And you know he’s safe with me.”
“I do know that,” he says slowly, as if it’s a revelation. There’s a very long silence, and then he sighs. “Okay, I’m giving you my permission.”
“You’re giving me permission?”
He huffs. “Don’t be a dick. You know you want my approval. He’s my baby brother, and he means the world to me. This is too important and has the potential to ruin everything, so yes, you actually do want my approval.”
“And why are you giving it to me?”
He looks at me thoughtfully. “Because I think the two of you fit like two jigsaw pieces. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”
“Is it because you’ve become a groomzilla before you’ve even managed to propose?”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Oh my God, I know! I’m a fucking mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re just in love.”
He smiles. It’s the wide, warm smile that appears every time you mention Bee to him. It’s been on his face ever since he came back from that trip to Scotland, talking about this clever man he’d met. “I am, and I want it to be perfect for him. Sorry I’ve been a self-obsessed idiot, though.”
“I’m sure it won’t be the last time.” I chuckle as he shoves me. “I’m sorry too. I don’t think me fucking off with Arlo and landing you with Steven for the day helped the engagement endeavour.”
“I read a lot of magazine articles about making the best proposal and not one of them mentioned bringing a twat along.” I laugh and he nudges