Mercenary (Gangsters of New York #3) - Bella Di Corte Page 0,88

and for another month, I thought maybe he was going to let the past go. I hoped his willingness to be more present in our lives would have lasted longer. I had not seen him much this month, and even when he was around, his mind was not with us. He even postponed the trip to Forza d’Agrò to see my father. We were going to baptize Ele in the church we were married in.

“It’s not as bad when you and mamma are here, because I do not feel as lonely, as homesick, but…” I caressed the metal, the feel of it comforting to me, like a rosary. “I am worried, Anna. Truly worried about him. He eats, sleeps, breathes revenge for something that happened years ago. Something that can no longer be fixed.”

“Have you told him this?”

“Sì,” I said, trying to take a deep breath, but it felt shallow, like I could not catch it. “He sees only one way. I see something different. I see the train coming, and I do not think I can pull him out of the way in time. Uncle Tito told me to change his direction, his path, but I am not strong enough. If I lose him to this, Anna, it will ruin me. I don’t even know who this man is who has possessed him, but it feels different.”

Anna lifted herself from the floor and came to stand beside me. She put her hand on my shoulder. “You knew this was his life, Alcina.”

I shook my head. “This is different. He can separate himself from the business. He cannot separate himself from this. It is like a dark seed has taken root, and no amount of light can make him see the truth.”

“Did you say those exact words to him?”

“Not exactly,” I said, sighing.

She studied my face for a moment. “Would you rather him not be who he is?”

“I am bound to him by love,” I said. “It does not matter who he is.”

“When I said that you looked different, I did not mean physically. When I asked you if you would rather him not be who he is—I meant his title in this life.”

“I knew from the beginning.” I shrugged. “I have no right to feel differently now.”

“Maybe not,” she said. “But do you?”

I went to turn away from her, but she took me by the shoulders, turning me toward her, forcing me to look her in the eye.

“Listen to me,” she almost hissed. “This is your life. What do you want from it?”

What did I want? What did I need? What was I really asking for?

Him.

I had always wanted him and our life—our little family. The specifics got lost in translation.

“Life will rule you, sister,” she said in Sicilian, “if you do not rule it. Fucking rule it like the Sicilian queen you are. Your clothes do not matter. This house does not matter. Nothing matters but how you react. You decide what you want, what is best for your family.” She lifted her finger. “When you do, you find a way to get it. You are bound by love. So is he. I remember two people standing at that altar vowing: I will live for thee. I will lay down my life for thee. We are bound by one flesh. Two people sharing one life, Alcina. Sharing.”

Anna and I both became still—we had not been using hand gestures like usual, but our conversations always felt almost physical, even when we were not.

Corrado cleared his throat from behind me.

Anna let me go, turning toward the jewelry box, tinkering around.

Corrado slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me close, giving me a kiss. He always did before he left. It was a strange sort of place to be—not close, but still close. It felt a lot like the day I first saw him, when he returned my glove. I went to take it, but he pulled it back.

“The day we met,” he said, like he could read my mind.

I nodded. “You returned my glove to me,” I said.

“You actually returned something to me,” he said, and then he studied my face before he went on. “Romeo Fausti has this thing. Whenever he sees a guy chasing after a woman, he says the guy is chasing after his rib.”

“A dog after a bone,” I said. I knew the Faustis well, and this was something I could see one of them saying. For ruthless killers, they were also known to be very