probably trying to help. He was doing a sucky job of it, but intellectually she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But in her heart and her gut, she wanted to lash out. She wanted to verbally and emotionally slash him until he lay on the floor bleeding and in pain. She wanted to hit him in all his soft places so he was the one exposed and vulnerable and then she wanted to judge him.
“You first,” she said sharply. “You get over your past, your pain, your nightmares. You heal yourself. You come to me and tell me you figured it all out and then we’ll talk. Until then, stay the hell out of my life.”
Jasper stood stoically, taking it all in and not saying a word. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. The sound of nails clicking on the floor followed her. Just before she walked outside, she turned and saw Koda right behind her. He looked anxious, as if he sensed the tension.
She paused. “It’s okay. You’re a good boy. Only Jasper is the asshole,” she told the dog before closing the door behind her and driving away.
* * *
TUESDAY MORNING RENEE had moved from fuming to hurt. She hadn’t heard from Jasper since leaving his place Sunday afternoon and she really thought she would. For all his macho guyness, he was actually kind of self-aware and she had been sure he would figure out that he’d basically dismissed her feelings, told her she was wrong about everything and that she had to get over it.
But her phone had been silent on the Jasper front, making her think getting involved with him had been a huge mistake. Her mom’s return to Happily Inc on Monday had been a distraction. They’d had a nice afternoon and evening. Renee had managed to sleep a little and now she was determined to have a good week with absolutely no Jasper thoughts getting in her way.
Her plans lasted until 9:01 a.m. when she arrived at Weddings Out of the Box only to find Jasper in the parking lot, leaning against his truck, obviously waiting for her.
She stayed in her car for a second, thought briefly about running him over, only she knew it was wrong and she would have regrets later. She’d never deliberately hurt anyone in her life. It wasn’t smart to change that now, even if he did deserve it.
She got out and slung her bag over her shoulder. Maybe she could pretend he wasn’t there and march to her office without acknowledging him. Not as satisfying as physical violence but certainly more morally correct. But still kind of cowardly. So in the end, she walked toward him, determined not to react to anything he said.
When she stopped in front of him, he surprised her by cupping her face in his hands and kissing her.
“I was wrong,” he told her as he released her. “I meant well, but I was wrong. I jumped all over you when I should have listened. You’re right. I can’t know what it was like and after a couple of hours with your mom, it’s easy to take her side, but how does that help? There shouldn’t be sides. You went through things I can’t begin to understand. You’re a good person and you’re doing the best you can, just like she is and I am. I messed up. I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t a bad apology, she thought grudgingly. “You mess up a lot.”
“I do. Especially with you.”
“Why is that?”
She expected him to smile or make a joke. Instead he looked away, as if he couldn’t meet her gaze.
“I haven’t been in a real relationship before,” he said, glancing back at her. “I had a girlfriend in high school and a few flings in the army, but since then there was only Wynn and that was more about...” He shrugged. “We didn’t talk much.”
Relationship? They weren’t in a relationship. They were sex friends. But even as the thought formed, she thought maybe it was wrong. After all, there’d been a lot more friendship and a lot less sex than she’d imagined. A relationship. Could she? Did she want to?
She told herself this was not the time to deal with anything like that. She already had plenty going on. But a relationship? Maybe...
“I liked your mom a lot,” he said, surprising her with the shift in subject. “I feel bad for her.” He held up a hand. “I’m not