The Matter of a Marquess - Jess Michaels Page 0,23
you must have seen what they could do with such power. Power to help others or destroy them. Power to protect themselves.”
She blinked and her lips parted. “Protect?” she repeated. “And that is what you want, is it? To protect yourself?”
He narrowed his gaze. What had started off as a conversation of generalities was now too intimate. She would see into the heart of him and he already knew that wasn’t a good idea. Let her in and she could cut him open with just a flick of her wrist. He couldn’t risk that.
“Everyone wants to protect themselves,” he snapped. “It is our nature. Now I see that Huntington has managed to extract himself from my sister. I needed to discuss something with my old friend. Excuse me.”
He left, not waiting for her to respond, and headed across the room toward Derrick. He didn’t necessarily wish to talk to his friend, but he also didn’t think he was capable of standing with Aurora for one more moment. Not when what had begun as a benign enough conversation had pivoted to something with more meaning. Would it always be that way? Would their past and the feelings he hated himself for still sheltering keep him from being able to be casual with this woman?
If that was the case, perhaps he should leave.
Derrick arched a brow as Nicholas reached him, and for a moment they just stood together, unspeaking. A little of the tension in Nicholas’s shoulders eased. He had always liked that about military friendships. Those men didn’t feel the need to fill a room with idle chatter.
“Do you want to talk about her?” Derrick asked at last, and the comfort of the silence was immediately shattered.
“Bloody hell,” Nicholas muttered, and downed the remainder of his wine in one glug. “No.”
Derrick pivoted toward him more fully. “Do you need to talk about her?”
Nicholas’s first instinct was to answer in the negative to that question, as well. Only he stared into his old friend’s eyes and found it far more difficult to do so.
“I’m assuming because you always keep everything so close to the chest, no one else here understands what she truly meant to you. What happened between you,” Derrick pressed. “And perhaps you regret that I know the truth, or some version of it. But since I do…won’t you let me be of service to you?”
Nicholas shifted. “A drunken confession isn’t in my nature.”
“I hope you know I can be trusted with what you told me all those years ago. If it helps, I haven’t even told Selina about that night.” Derrick gave a half-smile. “Not that she doesn’t keep trying to wheedle out anything interesting I might know, especially about you. She’s very persuasive.”
Considering how Derrick and Selina could scarcely keep their hands off each other, Nicholas could only imagine the tactics his sister employed to obtain information. If Derrick could hold up against that kind of torture, he could certainly be trusted. Especially since everything Nicholas felt boiled up inside of him, generating pressure that made him feel like he would burst.
“I have avoided any situation that could have forced this kind of encounter,” he admitted softly. “When I exited the sickbed and started being paraded around as a hero with a potential title, I scoured guestlists, made inquiries, all to avoid Aurora. Not because I didn’t want to see her, but because despite all the time between us, despite the fact that she threw me over for a man with better prospects than she thought I’d ever have…I do. I have wanted to see her every day since the last. A weakness, I suppose.”
“Some might call that love,” Derrick said softly.
Nicholas flinched. If he called it that, even in his head, he would be fully lost. Loving her had been the greatest experience of his life. Losing her the worst, even something he held above the physical pain he’d endured after the war. The physical pain faded, but this? This was always just below the surface, making every part of his life a little duller.
“Though there may be an argument to be made about whether or not she deserves devotion from a man such as you.”
“A man such as me?” Nicholas repeated. “What does that mean?”
“We served in the army together many years,” Derrick said. “You saved my life.”
“You saved mine,” Nicholas responded, meeting his friend’s eyes. “You were injured that day, as well, but you kept me from bleeding out on the battlefield.”