A Mate for Lu - Amy Bellows Page 0,15

the second world war, and I imagine the Eternal Ice still took her in. It’s ice, Sam. I don’t think It’s going to be counting body parts. And if I don’t need my kidney or my heart anymore, it’d be nice if someone else could use them.”

Back then, I was really worried about Allen’s decision to become an organ donor. When he was diagnosed with stage four brain cancer, we talked about it at length. I wish he was still here to explain his reasoning to Jesse.

“So then, you think the Eternal Ice doesn’t mind if people have plastic surgery or gender affirmation surgery or whatever,” Jesse says, the words coming out in a nervous rush.

They’re really worried about this.

“The world is a lot more complicated than Grandpa Jerry thinks it is. Don’t worry about it, okay? If anyone deserves to rest in the Eternal Ice, it was your Dad.”

In those last few weeks, he wasn’t himself anyway. I can’t imagine the Eternal Ice would hold him responsible for the decisions he made during that time. It was everything I could do to keep the kids out of his hospital room when he was awake. He asked for crazy things, like for me to remove his bonding necklace before his burial. The day after his death, I wasn’t sure what I should do. Respect his wishes? Or bury him with it anyway?

In the end, I decided to let him have what he wanted. The undertaker snapped the necklace off with the same tool they use for cutting bone. The metal turned to ash around Allen’s neck, leaving only the pebble.

I put it in my sock drawer and haven’t looked at it since.

“How was Lu?” Jesse asks.

That snaps me back to the present moment. “What do you mean?”

“He’s the one you bought those groceries for, right? We stopped by the art store, and we don’t know any other artists.”

Sometimes I forget how observant Jesse is too.

“Lu was fine. He just needed a little help today. That’s all.”

The corner of Jesse’s lips twitch up. “Then you’re friends, not just business associates, right? Business associates don’t buy groceries for each other, do they?”

Shame settles in my gut. I lied to my kids about Santa Claus. I lied to them about their omega dad’s pain levels too. But I’ve never lied to them because I was ashamed of my own behavior.

Jesse just got their secondary gender tests back from the doctor. Male alpha. Just like me. What kind of example am I setting for them, if I’m sneaking around and cheating on my mate?

“Today I made a mistake,” I say, trying to be as honest as I can, given the circumstances. “I shouldn’t have gone to his house today to drop off the groceries by myself. It was wrong.”

Jesse looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. Morgan and Parker stop eating to stare at me too.

“But you were just trying to help him, right?” Jesse asks.

I could lie to him and say yes. But that doesn’t feel right, especially after what I did to Lu. “I did want to help him, but I also just get lonely sometimes. And Lu has always been a good friend.”

Jesse scoots their chair closer to mine and leans to the side to give me a hug. Morgan stands up and walks around the table to wrap their arms around me too, with Parker close behind them. It reminds me of when they were little, and they asked me to shift into my penguin form to cuddle with them.

Penguin cuddles sound pretty good right now.

I slowly disentangle myself from Jesse and Morgan. “C’mon,” I say, leaving our dinners behind to walk into the next room and sit on the big couch. I do a family shift, which means I leave my clothes on while I shrink into my penguin form, and climb out of the neck of my shirt.

Jesse sits next to me and starts shifting too. It’s been too long since I’ve seen their penguin form. Almost all of their fuzzy gray chick feathers are gone, replaced by smooth black and white.

My little chick is going to be a man soon.

Morgan tugs Parker to the couch. The two of them shift into puffy gray chicks. They waddle toward me. Morgan tries to duck their beak into the pouch between my feet where I used to warm them as a baby. I gently peck them away. They’re too big now.

Jesse waddles to Parker, pressing their wings together