The Matchmaker's Replacement - Rachel Van Dyken Page 0,84
Lex: Truth or Dare?
Gabi: Truth.
Asshole Lex: Are you wearing any underwear?
Gabi: Aw, are these your “ass” office hours? I’ll be sure to text you once they’re over.
Asshole Lex: Seven to ten every night, expect no gentleman . . . only full asshole man, hell bent on offending your delicate feminine sensibilities as much as he can.
Gabi: Noted. Now stop texting me during my date.
Asshole Lex: Truth or Dare.
Gabi: Seriously?
Asshole Lex: Just one more . . .
Gabi: Dare.
Asshole Lex: Good to know we communicate telepathically now. I was chanting dare in my head . . . Slip the word erection into your dinner talk and see what Mark does. Also, record it. Give the audience what it wants, that’s what I always say.
Gabi: No!
Asshole Lex: I trapped myself in a blanket for you last night. Say erection and you’ll be the hero.
Gabi: I hate you.
Asshole Lex: I await the video. Don’t let the good people of earth down, Gabi. Think of the children.
Gabi: Too far.
Asshole Lex: Sorry, I was on a roll and just went with it.
I burst out laughing.
Mark frowned. “Everything okay with your mom?” I may have lied and told him my mom was sick and texting me.
I cleared my throat and shoved my phone back into my purse. “Just great. How’s the sushi?”
He stared down at his plate, where the salmon rolls festered. “It’s . . . cold.”
“Sushi is cold,” I pointed out as I stabbed a tuna roll and watched Mark’s nose scrunch up. “So, I’m assuming Charlie didn’t want you going out with me tonight?”
He put down his fork and leaned back in his chair, and his black T-shirt hung on his toned body. I could appreciate that he had an okay form, but he was nothing compared to Lex, not even close.
“She was pissed.”
“Good.” I nodded. “So, now that you’re an official client, let’s just go over the next few days. I’ll make sure she sees us together a few strategic times, and she’s most likely going to start texting you more, showing up randomly, calling. Be busy during those times. Don’t necessarily brush her off, just say you have a lot going on, alright? When she pressures you to hang out, tell her you can do it next week, you’re busy now, but next week you’re free. You have no social life this week, got it?”
Mark sighed. “Look, I know you guys have a crazy success rate, it’s just . . . I don’t see how this is going to work. She has to be legitimately jealous of you.”
My stomach clenched as I tried to keep my face a mask of professionalism. “It worked the other day.”
“True,” he finally admitted.
“I’m the best.” Okay so that was a lie, but still, I needed him to trust me. “You have nothing to lose. I promise that by the end of the week you’ll have her ready to lose her mind over you.”
His posture stiffened, and as he glanced up a small smile teased his lips. “You think so?”
“I know so,” I said confidently. “Now, as for the um . . . physical part of Wingmen Inc., a situation may pop up.” I was going to kill Lex, because that entire sentence just reminded me of our conversation: erection, boom! Noooo! I coughed into my hand. “A situation may arise.” Nope, that made it worse. “A situation may magically appear.” There, better. “Where I need to touch you.” And back to bad. “Or kiss you.” The thought made me want to puke. “You can’t shy away if that happens, alright?”
He shrugged.
“Mark?”
“Fine.”
“Great.” I exhaled a sigh of relief. He really was an ass. Worse than Lex had ever been. You couldn’t even compare the two! “So, any weird . . . issues I need to know about? In reference to a sexual relationship?”
He froze in his seat.
And then Mark started shaking as he grabbed his fork and attacked his sushi like he hadn’t eaten in months.
“Anything at all?” I prodded.
“Nope,” he said, mouth full of fish.
“Oh good! You have no idea how many weird things we come across. You know, people who don’t know how to kiss, aversions to feet . . .” I cleared my throat. “The fear of arousal or . . . erections.”
Mark choked on a piece of fish and reached for his water as soy sauce exploded all over his plate.
“But good to know that you don’t deal with any of those things, hmm, Mark?”