The Matchmaker's Replacement - Rachel Van Dyken Page 0,29
when you say ‘hint,’ you mean you went in for a kiss or tried to hold her hand? That type of hint?”
“I leaned.” Steve nodded seriously.
“Oh dear God,” Lex muttered.
“Oh.” I kept my expression steeled. “So, you . . . um, leaned toward her?”
Steve nodded vigorously. “You know that movie Hitch?”
“Sometimes I blame world hunger on Will Smith, just because I can. I mean, Hitch? He gave nerds everywhere the worst advice on the planet . . .” Lex’s monologue was hard to keep track of, considering I was supposed to be focusing on Steve.
“Yes.” I finally said. “The one with Will Smith?”
“He’s a baller.” Steve laughed. Though he said “baller” in such a painfully white way that I had to fight to keep myself from cringing, while Lex mocked him.
“Baller, yo, wanna go play some ball in our new kicks and bang some chicks in the back of my Benz? Word to your mother.”
My lips twitched into a smile.
“I know, I know.” Steve laughed harder. “It’s stupid to get dating advice from movies like Hitch, but I mean, I went in at least eighty percent for the kiss.”
“Doesn’t the movie say ninety?” I corrected, wondering why the heck he was taking advice from a ten-year-old Will Smith movie.
“I got to seventy-five and panicked,” Steve confessed in a defeated voice.
“Shocker,” Lex added.
“So that’s it,” I said, feeling the need to clarify. “You went in, she shut you down, and you haven’t tried since?”
“There haven’t been any good romance-novel moments, you know? I mean, I tried kissing her in the rain and I nearly face-planted against a cement wall because the sidewalk was slippery. And at the movies, when it got dark, I reached for her hand but she moved it to grab the soda.” He sighed. “I’m an idiot.”
“No.” I shook my head vigorously.
“Yes,” Lex said in a bored tone.
“That’s what I’m here for.” Just as the words came out of my mouth, Stella walked in the door. “Don’t look now, but she just walked in. This is all part of the plan, though, okay? Do you trust me?”
“No.” He laughed. “But I’m just desperate enough not to care.”
“Dude’s got more romance in his pinky finger than . . .” Lex’s sarcastic voice trailed off. Then he whispered, “Showtime, Sunshine, show me what you got.”
I quickly scooted my barstool close to Steve and then whispered in his ear. “Smile, but not too big. I’m going to grab your hand, alright?”
“Okay.” He looked ready to puke.
“Try not to blow chunks on me.” I giggled while moving my hand up his arm until I was gripping his bicep. “Wow!” I pulled back, then frowned. “You’re actually way more built than I thought!”
“Uh, thanks?” Steve looked confused.
“No, seriously.” I squeezed his arm again, then moved my hands to his other arm, running them up and down his skin. “You’re like . . . buff!”
His chest puffed out.
“He looks like what happens to pretzels when you throw them in water and they get all bloated and shit, but whatever,” Lex commented. “Good work. Stella’s looking over at you guys. If looks could kill . . .”
With a giggle, I leaned in toward Steve’s mouth. “I’m not going to kiss you, but I’m going to make it look like I want to. If she really likes you, she’s either going to leave and get super frustrated when you talk to her next, or she’s going to stomp over here and stake her claim.”
“Moment of truth.” Steve swallowed, his Adam’s apple bouncing down, then back up.
“Hey,” I said in a quiet voice. “If the worst happens, you’re still a great catch.”
“You’re just saying that because you want me as a client.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m saying that because everyone has something to offer the world, and if she doesn’t notice what you have, she isn’t worthy of keeping it in the first place.”
Steve quieted. His eyes zeroed in on my mouth, and suddenly I wasn’t sure if he was just playing along or really wanted to kiss me.
“Steve!” A high-pitched voice interrupted our moment. I glanced to the side to see a shaggy-brown-haired girl in a plaid shirt and black leggings put her hands on her hips and nearly jump into his lap. “Out on a weeknight?”
“My Steve’s crazy like that.” I winked.
“Your Steve?” Her arms crossed.
“Well done, grasshopper, well done,” Lex whispered his praise. I winked at him over Stella’s head.