“Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to put your sweatshirt back on. And I’m going to go back out there and order you some…”
“Wine. Any wine. I usually drink it out of a box so seriously just order the cheapest thing on the list.”
I laughed. “Okay, you got it. See you in a few.”
“Nice to meet you!” screeched the phone.
“Damn it, Chastity” Ash said and lifted it up off the floor. “Why is everyone eavesdropping tonight?”
“You didn’t hang up. I thought I was supposed to stay on the phone in case he was a murderer or something. Are you a murderer?” yelled her friend to me.
“Um. No,” I said.
“That honestly wasn’t very convincing,” Ash said.
I shook my head. “I promise I’m not. I’ll let you two finish up…” I waved my hand around the bathroom. Gossiping? Getting dressed? Screaming about centipedes? I honestly had no idea what I’d just witnessed.
Ash gave me a small smile as I left.
I figured there was a good chance she’d still climb out the bathroom window and run away. But if she didn’t? I really needed to hear about how the hell she’d married an asshole like Joe Dickson.
I went back to the table and sat down. The waiter came over and I ordered a bottle of white that wasn’t the cheapest one on the list, because I actually could be a nice guy. And I went ahead and ordered us some food too. Because I was starving. And she’d told me to order something a normal person would eat. I could handle that request.
A few minutes later, there was a glass of wine but still no Ash.
I glanced towards the bathroom. Her sweatshirt had seemed mostly dry. Maybe she was still trying to get advice from her friend. This had to be the craziest date I’d ever been on. I was almost positive that Ash was nuts. But I actually was having fun. Or else I would have walked out already. I needed to hear her whole story. Plus it would be great to relay this whole disaster to Penny. The more details the better.
Several minutes later Ash sat down across from me fully clothed again. “I really wish I could say that I was drunk right now, but I am decidedly not. Give me a few minutes and we can pretend I was drunk the whole time.” She took a huge sip from her glass of wine. Then shimmied her shoulders slightly and took a deep breath. “Okay. Try two. Sorry about that,” she said very seriously. “Now, where were we?”
I just blinked. “You were telling me about your husband.”
“Soon-to-be ex-husband.”
“Right. Whatever possessed you to marry a guy like Joe?”
She sighed and took another sip of wine. “It’s a long story.”
“I have some time.”
“You are so weird,” she said.
“Me?” I raised my eyebrows. She had to be kidding me right now.
“Yeah. What are you still doing here? I basically just sexually assaulted you in the bathroom. I should have been arrested ten minutes ago. I was waiting for the cops in there…”
“I told you I wasn’t going to report you.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “I thought that maybe you were joking.”
I shook my head. Honestly I’d just found the whole scene hilarious. I would never call the cops on her.
“Well, in that case…can we just start over and pretend the last few minutes didn’t happen? Let’s pretend I just walked in and sat down. And pretend I’m wearing a nice dress too. Use your imagination.” She cleared her threat. “Hi. I’m Ash.” She offered me her hand.
At least the pit stains on her sweatshirt were gone. I reached out my hand and shook hers. “Nice to meet you. I’m Matt.”
Her smile was so big that I couldn’t help but smile too.
“So, Matt. Tell me all about yourself.”
I really wanted to talk about Joe instead. But it wouldn’t hurt to play along. I had all night.
Chapter 17
Saturday
It sounded like Cupcake hadn’t changed at all. And the innocent, yet slightly crazy, woman in front of me definitely deserved better. She’d told me the whole story of how they met and how he’d proposed. But never in her story had she said she was in love. Because it was Cupcake. How could she be? “So you married him?” I asked and shook my head.
“What was I supposed to say? No?” She tore off a piece of the complimentary bread and dipped it into the olive oil. Her eyes lit up when she took a