“You know what I mean. I was a nerd in school, Matt. I didn’t get any superlatives. But I still have good memories of high school. It’s like none of you do.”
That was a lie. Because for just a few months somewhere lost in those years…I’d had everything I’d ever wanted. Before it was taken away.
“I know Rob’s always joking around. But he worries about you.”
I froze, even though I wasn’t doing anything. He’d told her? My heart started racing even faster. He’d fucking told her?
Daphne held up her hands like she knew what conclusion I’d come to. “He didn’t want to come tonight. He never talks about Empire High. And I have no idea why. He just brushes it off. And I’ve asked James about it too. I know they both had a rough childhood. My mother-in-law has taken…some time to get used to.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Mrs. Hunter was the worst.
“But Rob and James always speak so highly of your parents. Your mom told me she felt like she helped raise the Hunter boys. So I don’t really get why you and Mason don’t like talking about your childhood. It sounded like it was really great.”
“It was great.” Besides for that one thing. That one momentous thing that haunted me every day. That one thing I’d never get over.
“So why does it seem like you’re scared to go into the school?”
“I’m not scared.”
She smiled. “Fine. Apprehensive.”
I took a deep breath. “There are just a lot of memories I don’t feel like reliving.”
“Okay.” She seemed to sense that she wasn’t going to get anything out of me. “But if you ever do want to relive them? I’m here, you know.”
I knew she was. And I stupidly felt my eyes water. I blinked fast and pretended to cough. Daphne understood loss better than anyone else I knew. She’d understand. She was someone that would be so easy to open up to. But if I told someone…they’d want to help me move on. I didn’t want to move on. That was the whole point. And no one would ever understand that.
I looked over at the school and sighed. I hadn’t stepped foot into Empire High ever since graduation. Maybe walking around would help. Somehow. There were really only two things that could happen. It could make me feel farther away from Brooklyn than ever before. But I already felt her loss every day. I was more scared of the other option. That it would make me feel closer to her. If I walked through those doors and felt her presence? I’d be more stuck than ever. I’d never get away from this fucking school.
Daphne looped her arm through mine. “Come on. You promised me a tour.” She said it with a weird British accent for some reason. Probably just to make me smile.
I laughed and let her guide us up the path to the school. I ignored the way my laugh died in my throat. And how I felt physically cold as I walked up toward the school.
Going back through those doors after Brooklyn had died was hell. For two and a half years I’d had to walk around those halls and pretend she’d never occupied them. Pretend I’d never kissed her against her locker. Or pulled her into an empty classroom. I could hear her laughter ringing in my ears.
If Daphne hadn’t been holding on to my arm, I would have turned around. But there was something comforting about not having to do this alone. I wasn’t trying to move on. I swear I wasn’t. But I needed those empty hallways to make Brooklyn slip farther away. Because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could breathe when the past felt so damn heavy. The weight of it on my chest felt stifling. At least, that’s what I told myself. Because the fact that I was slowly dying of a broken heart somehow felt worse.
Chapter 13
Friday
The hallways of Empire High looked exactly the same as they always had. Shiny floors, dark wood, posters about school spirit. It even smelled the same. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I couldn’t really place the smell. It just reminded me of…being young. And alive. I closed my eyes. God, it reminded me of Brooklyn.
“You okay?” Daphne asked.
I opened my eyes and tried to focus on anything other than that damned smell. “I’m fine. We should catch up with the others.” The last thing I needed was for one of them