“I guess I was wrong before. This is a bachelor pad. You’ll just have to tolerate it without any sweetness.” She sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and blew at the steam coming off her mug.
God, those lips. My cock twitched to life.
“Matt?”
“Sorry?” I hadn’t realized she’d said anything.
“Do you want to see some of your matches?”
“What? How can there be matches already? I barely told you anything the other night.”
“But I already know you. So I typed up the rest of your profile and filled out all the necessary info. Minus the fact that you suddenly love redheads,” she said with a laugh.
I’d teased her enough about that the last time we’d talked about this stupid app.
She tapped the stool next to her so I’d sit down. “Here. You just swipe when you see someone you like. Oooh, this girl is pretty.”
“She doesn’t have red hair.” I tried to hide my smile.
Penny hit me in the ribs with her elbow as she swiped past the girl. And the next girl who looked like her face was half human half horse. She paused on another woman who looked fully human. “What about her? She looks really sweet. And lots of the women I’ve seen you with have blonde hair.”
It felt like she’d elbowed me in the stomach. I didn’t think I’d made a habit of dating blondes. But maybe I had. Brooklyn was blonde.
Penny passed by a few more girls. And by a few I mean…dozens. And I never said a word. Because I didn’t want to date any of them.
I tilted my head so I could stare at her instead of at the screen.
“Yes or no?” Penny asked.
I didn’t bother looking. “Pass.”
This kept going for a while. Penny was super patient. She didn’t seem to care that I literally hadn’t liked one match. I was pretty sure I’d said the word “no” more than I ever had in my life over the next hour.
“Oh.” She stopped. “She sounds perfect. Her profile is cute. She seems really fun.”
“Then why don’t you date her?”
Penny looked up at me. “Why are you suddenly acting so hostile? This is supposed to be fun.”
“How would you feel if I forced you to look at a bunch of men you weren’t interested in?”
“Confused. Because I’m married.” She smiled, waiting for me to laugh, but I didn’t. “Matt, you asked for my help. Why do you always get so mad whenever I follow through?”
Because I don’t want any of this. I hadn’t expected her to have already finished creating my dating profile. I thought we’d spend today joking about ways to describe me. And telling her things she didn’t know about me. Fuck, I didn’t know what I expected. But I didn’t feel like swiping through a bunch of blondes that I wanted nothing to do with. “Can I at least see the profile you made for me?”
Penny pressed her lips together. “But it’s more fun to look at the matches…”
“You did something weird.”
“What?” She looked shocked. But in an over the top way. She was definitely lying.
“You put something weird in my profile, didn’t you?”
“I did no such thing.”
I grabbed the phone from her and she squealed. I clicked through to my profile and laughed. “The most eligible bachelor in the city?” I looked up from the screen. “That’s the corniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“You’re a Caldwell. Everyone’s going to recognize you from your picture anyway. I thought we might as well lean into it.”
I shook my head as I read through all the nonsense. “Great with kids? Are you kidding me?”
“You are great with kids. Scarlett freaking loves you.”
“But you made it sound like I’m looking for divorcées with children.”
“Well you are over thirty…”
I glared at her.
“Would that be so bad? To have a family?”
Yes. Yes, it would be. I couldn’t have a family. I couldn’t have a wife. I’d promised Brooklyn it would only ever be her. I’d promised. “I’m good with your kids. Not with my own. Take that part out. And also get rid of the part about me volunteering at Empire High.”
“But you do volunteer at Empire High.”
I thought about the woman in the hotel room this morning. Tanner had told her I was a nice guy. I needed to lower expectations here. “It makes me sound like too much of a nice guy.”
“Matt, you are a nice guy. What do you want it to say in your profile? That you’re