rest of my drink and waved the bartender over to top me off. James was the only one of my friends that ever tried to talk to me about Brooklyn. We’d all made a promise not to bring her up until I said I was ready. James kept breaking that promise a few times every year. I wasn’t ready twelve years ago, or five, or fucking now. We both knew that he didn’t really care.
James still didn’t touch his drink. “Penny said that you told her you wanted to settle down. Is that really what you want?”
I wanted a lot of things I could never have. But mostly I wanted out of this conversation. “I’m not going to talk about this with you.”
“But you’ll talk to my wife?”
I clenched my jaw.
“That’s fine. If you think she can help you move on, I want that for you.”
He was supposed to be mad at me right now. Not overly caring. “So you don’t care if I hang out with Penny one on one for hours at a time?” I was purposely pushing his buttons and I didn’t know why. Maybe I was the one that wanted to fight.
“I was under the impression that Tanner would be there now too. But when you put it like that…” he shook his head. “What do you want me to say, Matt? That I’ll fucking kill you if you ever touch her again like you did the other night in my home? Because I’m pretty sure that’s always implied.”
“It’s creepy that you watch Penny 24/7.”
He didn’t acknowledge my comment with a response. “You and I are friends. So stop acting like we’re not. I know you lost Brooklyn. I know she loved you. But it doesn’t mean you were the only one who lost something the day she died. She was my friend.”
“Your friend? Do you always kiss your friends?”
“Do you?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t kissed Penny. Yeah, I’d wanted to. But I didn’t. He’d kissed Brooklyn 16 years ago though. I wasn’t the dick here. He was.
“We were just kids,” James said. “And I’ve apologized a dozen times.”
“Maybe try apologizing a dozen more.”
“I’m sorry I kissed Brooklyn 16 years ago out of revenge. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He said it a few more times and I laughed.
“You can stop. I get it. You’re sorry.” Honestly, I believed him. I was sorry for a lot of things too.
“I am.” He rested his elbows on the bar, not showing any intention of going back to our table. “And I do see it. The similarities between Penny and Brooklyn. I get it. But Penny isn’t Brooklyn.”
I knew that. I looked down at my glass.
“Are you going to tell her about Brooklyn?” he asked.
“No.”
“Okay.” He finally took a sip from his glass.
I looked up at him. “You really haven’t already told Penny about Brooklyn?”
He shook his head. “It’s hard for me to talk about Brooklyn too. And I made a promise to you that I wouldn’t bring her up.”
“Then why do you keep bringing her up to me?”
“Because you’re the only one back in high school that seemed to realize that I had a problem. I think I’m the only one that sees that you have one now.”
I wanted him to be saying I was an alcoholic. But we both knew what he was implying. Because I felt it. I was stuck. I couldn’t move forward because I was haunted by the past. And even worse, I had no intention of fixing any of it. Every day felt like I was drowning.
“Looks like Tanner is here,” James said.
Tanner had just walked in. Despite what Rob said, Tanner wasn’t wearing a man bun or goblin elf shoes. But he did have some blonde chick on his arm. What was he doing? I’d told him this was a boys’ night.
Chapter 8
Saturday
I hurried back to our table before Rob could say anything rude to Tanner. “Hey,” I said, slapping Tanner on the back. “Glad you could come.”
Rob didn’t say anything snarky, but he squinted his eyes at Tanner. I ignored him.
“Me too,” Tanner said. “Have you met Abigail?” He touched the blonde’s lower back, gesturing her forward. Almost like he was giving her to me as an offering. Which was weird, because she was clearly his date.
“No,” I said. “But it’s nice to meet you.” I put out my hand to be polite. Not that it was necessary. Tanner went through women even faster than I did. I’d never see this