Matchmaker (Empire High #4) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,117

all I really cared about. She wouldn’t be impressed by a fancy dinner or anything. Kennedy wasn’t like that.

“Are you high or something?” Rob asked.

“Nope. I’ve had a few drinks, but I’m sober enough to know that I feel amazing. I actually came by to apologize to James, but now I can apologize to all of you, so this is perfect. But I wished I knew you were all coming because I only got an apology present for James.” I handed him the gift bag.

James just stared at me.

“What exactly are you apologizing for?” Rob asked.

“Great question. First off, I’m sorry that I made you all lie to your wives about Brooklyn ever existing. I shouldn’t have done that. Real shitty move on my part.”

Mason nodded.

“And for really not letting any of you talk about Brooklyn for all these years. Not talking about something doesn’t make those feelings just go away. I know she was a friend to all of you too. I wasn’t the only one that lost someone, and it was rather selfish of me to act like I was.”

Rob just stared at me like he still thought I was high.

“And I think I’m most sorry for the fact that I blamed you two for her death.” I pointed at Rob and James. “That was ridiculous. Yes, the last time I saw Brooklyn alive I had a fight with her because of the prank you all pulled. I blamed you two for my last words to her. For making Brooklyn feel like she had no one on her side when she died. I just needed someone else to blame. Because I hate that I did that. I hate what I said to her. I hate that I left her. I promised her I would never walk away from us. I promised her. And I lied. I walked away and left her with Mr. Pruitt. I know it’s not your guys’ fault that she died. Because it’s mine.” It’s my fucking fault.

Mason shook his head. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s Mr. Pruitt’s,” Rob said.

I nodded, the smile suddenly gone from my face. “But if I’d stayed by her side…”

“Mr. Pruitt still would have found a way to get what he wanted from her,” James said. “You know that. You never could have prevented Brooklyn from hanging out with her dad one-on-one. And I’m sorry that the two of you got in a fight because of what Rob and I did. I truly am. And I’m sorry I wasn’t sober enough to make better choices back then. I’m sorry that you were worried I’d take my own life. I’m sorry I ever made you worry about that.”

Mason and Rob were quiet.

“All of you,” James said. “I’m sorry, guys. I was in a bad place. But I never meant to drag any of you down there with me. I didn’t realize I was doing that.”

I was surprised James brought that up. I was supposed to be apologizing to him for snapping at him the other night. Not the other way around.

I’m sure we’d all been worried about James hurting himself over the years. But I was done holding grudges. “You don’t have to apologize.” I tried to shake away that feeling in my stomach that talking about Brooklyn always stirred up. The guilt that had been eating me away for 16 years. I needed to forgive my friends. But I needed to forgive myself too. If I had any chance of giving Kennedy a life she deserved, I needed to let this go. It was time. Past time, really. Besides, I’d made Mrs. Alcaraz a new promise. And promises to the living were more important than promises to the dead. They had to be. Because I couldn’t keep going like this. I took a deep breath.

“I’m just really fucking sorry, guys,” I said. “For everything. And I don’t want there to be any resentment between us. I don’t want you to walk on eggshells around me or worry about me being okay. Because I am okay. I think I’m more okay right now than I’ve been since Brooklyn died.” I shook my head. “I just want all of us to be happy. You guys are my best friends.”

Tanner cleared his throat.

“All of you,” I said. “Can we just try to…move on from the past?”

“We all made a lot of mistakes,” Rob said. “I’m sorry too.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said.

“Does this mean you’re done with that fake smile bullshit you’ve