Matchmaker (Empire High #4) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,113
I feel sorry for you for never having received one in your few years on this earth.”
“You are so weird.”
“You’re weird,” he said, even though he didn’t look very insulted by my comment. “Americans are so basic.”
I laughed and shook my head. He was technically an American too.
“Next time I won’t congratulate you then. I’ll just sit here brooding eating my pastrami and bagels,” he said in an overexaggerated New York City accent, that sounded very mobstery. “Actually, I don’t think they have either of those things. Maybe a New York City style cheesecake for your basic ass.”
“Okay, I get it. I’m basic. Don’t kiss me again.”
Tanner sighed. “Don’t make it sound so gay. It wasn’t a gay thing. Now pretend we’re on a date so the waiters treat us the right way.”
“So don’t be gay? But be gay?”
“What? No. You’re just not getting it. We’re straight men on a fake gay date. Now let’s talk about your actual kiss. I thought you said you didn’t like Poppy? But you’re on the front page of a dozen tabloids right now giving her an un-congratulatory kiss. I need to meet her immediately. Please tell me you haven’t sealed the deal yet.”
“Gross. She made me do it.”
“Are you telling me she put hands on you without permission?” He looked very concerned as he leaned forward. “You can tell me.”
“No. What? Are you seriously asking me if I got raped?”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s true, blink twice. If you’re in a fragile state, I don’t mind talking to the police on your behalf. But if you could at least write down the details it would be helpful for the statement.”
I didn’t blink at all. “Poppy and I just made an arrangement.”
“Of the sexual variety? What was the contract like? I’d love to see it, just in case it gives me a few more ideas.”
“No, not of the sexual variety. She agreed to not hurt Scarlett as long as I pretend to date her.”
“Well that’s a boring contract.”
“I didn’t sign anything. It’s just a verbal agreement. Poppy wants to take over the family business and doesn’t think Mr. Pruitt will step down until she seems like she can handle the finances. She thinks dating me will show her uncle that she’s serious about every aspect of the business. And the deal is only going to last as long as it takes for her to take over for Mr. Pruitt.”
Tanner just stared at me. “So have you had sex with her yet or not?”
“I’m not going to sleep with her.”
“Oh.” Tanner sighed. “Well, what a waste of a congratulatory kiss.”
“Yeah, if you ever try to kiss me again, I’ll punch you in the face.”
He laughed. “In your dreams. Both the kissing and the punching. You couldn’t punch me. I’m much too quick. I’d have you rolling on the floor in pain before you even lifted your hand.”
“Yeah right.”
“Indeed. I am right.”
I reached out, not to punch him, but maybe just to slap him to prove my point.
But he grabbed my hand before it came anywhere close to him. He slammed it onto the table, twisting my arm so I was leaning over. He’d somehow grabbed a steak knife at the same time and was hovering it over my hand too.
“What the fuck?” I said.
He let me go, then twirled the knife in his hand and stabbed it into the bread on the table. “Can’t touch me.”
I rubbed my hand. Now I really did want to slap him. But I’d wait until I got a better opportunity. It would have to be a sneak slap-attack.
“Shall we order?” he asked and lifted up his menu.
“Where did you learn to do that?” I rubbed my hand again.
“Do what?”
“That kung fu shit you just did.”
“Oh, I just picked it up over the years. Oh wow, they do have cheesecake. Should I order you some?”
“I’m good.” I picked up the menu to look at the options.
“I’m just messing with you anyway,” Tanner said and set down the menu. “I hope you’re hungry because I already know what I’m going to order for us.”
Of course he did. He’d want to know how delectable their specialties were.
He waved over the waiter and ordered half the menu. When the waiter finally walked away, looking a little frazzled, Tanner sighed.
“They don’t seem to handle stress here very well,” he said. “That’s telling. They probably wouldn’t like surprises either.” He jotted something down in his notebook. “Could you imagine one