I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t going to leave. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction, no matter how much I wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and flee. “Yes. Completely.”
As we broke out of our little private bubble, I started to hear everything else around us: a man’s robust laughter, plates clinking, someone coughing, a woman’s giggle, and the low classical music. Jack guided us as he always did, with a gentle hand on my back, and I made sure not to look anywhere but forward. It was very hard not to flinch at every loud noise as we walked around tables and finally came to a stop in front of one that was tucked at the very edge.
Jack pulled out a chair and I sat down. Obviously, I didn’t know anyone at the table, but I didn’t think Jack did either. For a long while, we were quiet. Then I made the mistake of looking to my right, just to see if I could see the kids from where I was sitting, but my eyes met with Joshua’s instead. They were two tables to our right and a little behind. It didn’t look like Jodi was with him at that moment, but Bryan was there, sitting to his right, talking to someone else who was seated at their table. Joshua didn’t break eye contact with me, his brown eyes watching, calculating. Then, so subtly I almost missed it, he raised his champagne as if toasting me.
I turned back around, feeling sick to my stomach and promising myself I wouldn’t look over my shoulder again during the entire event.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked, and my eyes slid to him. He was staring ahead, his jaw ticking again.
In a way, I knew he wasn’t asking how I felt about the situation. I believed he was asking what I was feeling toward my ex-fiancé.
I answered honestly in a steady voice. “Sick to my stomach.” That was exactly how I felt, though somehow I also felt relieved that I hadn’t made the mistake of marrying someone like Joshua—someone who told me how much he loved me so easily and so often and yet, in the end, apparently didn’t mean it at all. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how he could be with Jodi. They knew each other through me. We’d had dinner together a handful of times with the family when Gary had invited him over and they’d chatted every now and then when we bumped into each other, but I could’ve never, ever imagined…this—not even from Jodi, and definitely not from Joshua. He’d always told me he thought Jodi was like an ice princess and he didn’t care for that type.
My hands were in my lap, almost frozen, so when Jack’s hand covered mine, I dropped my eyes, watching him slowly link our fingers together again, just as he had done so many times in the last hour. I was fascinated by it enough that I let go of every single thought about Jodi and Joshua evidently being together and focused on the only thing that was warming me from the inside out.
“Your hands are cold,” Jack muttered under his breath, and I realized how close we were sitting to each other.
Had he moved? He kept our hands on my thigh, mine tightly grasped in his, and I decided I liked the feel of it, the heaviness, the warmth. So I held on just as tight. “I know.”
His thumb started rolling my wedding ring around my finger.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
It was such a weird sensation, feeling his skin on mine. Did he feel the same? The tingles?
He nodded once and I peered at him under my lashes, trying not to be too obvious. So what if he was just pretending? I could do the same. I could take this comfort from him and let myself feel loved. I could just stop thinking and enjoy my seconds and minutes with him. I didn’t have to analyze my every move. I could just be whatever I wanted to be with Jack while we were out in public like this. I could fool myself, happily, before we had to step back into the real, harsh world.
Lifting my head, I looked at him. Two spots were open at our table to Jack’s left, the other four seats taken by two women and two men who were talking among themselves.