Unfortunately, I knew I wasn’t, but that didn’t change the fact that I would try to be.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rose
It was around two AM when I carefully ventured out of the kitchen so I could get a book from the library. I was still thinking if I could just stop my mind for a minute, maybe I could fall asleep and forget about everything that had happened in the last fifteen or so hours. At first, I was just peeking out from the doorway to the kitchen to make sure there was no one outside on the streets that would notice me. It only took me a few seconds to notice him.
Jack Hawthorne.
He was leaning against the lamp pole that was right on the corner, arms crossed against his chest. I glanced around to see if Raymond was waiting for him nearby, but I didn’t see any familiar faces or cars; he appeared to be alone. Confused, angry, excited, and a little surprised, my heart leaping out of my chest in no time, I didn’t know what to do for a second as my emotions waged a war in my heart. I kept looking at him, not sure what I should do.
Acknowledge his presence?
Go out there and demand to know what he was doing there?
No answer he could give me would change anything, though.
He was staring down at his shoes, and even though I was mad at him like nothing else, I still thought he looked just perfect in the moonlight. When he moved his head and noticed me standing in the doorway, my breath froze in my chest. We stared at each other, neither one of us taking a step forward. It was then I realized he wouldn’t come. He wouldn’t press and try to explain or apologize. No, Jack Hawthorne would do none of those things. He had been telling the absolute truth when he’d said he wasn’t sorry for what he’d done.
I swallowed down my emotions, not even sure what I was supposed to feel anymore, and that little voice that was screaming at me to go outside to face him came unstuck. Avoiding glancing at him and ignoring his eyes following me, I quickly moved to the library. I couldn’t grab a random book and disappear from sight; I didn’t even know what I was supposed to do with a book, let alone trying to pick one. I fought back tears because there was no reason whatsoever for me to cry. It was over and done with.
It was okay, but I knew I wouldn’t be. I let the tears fall and just picked a damn book that was within reach then, as calmly as I could manage, walked back into the kitchen. As soon as I was out of his sight, I leaned back against the wall and wiped at my tears.
I was still very much pissed off and hurt. It was a tossup between the two of us as to who I was angrier with—him or myself. My heart was broken, replaced with a constant ache. I was such a damn fool for thinking he had been honest with me every step of the way. I’d thought he was too serious not to be. My words, my last words to him echoed back in my head, along with the surprised and hurt look on his face when I’d spoken them. I knew I’d screwed it up at the end there, but I had wanted to hurt him. I’d wanted him to hurt just like I was because misery always loves company.
I chanced another peek and saw he was still standing in the same spot. He hadn’t moved an inch. It should’ve felt stalkerish, him standing outside, wearing a black coat as he leaned against the lamp pole, but it didn’t. It hurt my heart even more to see him standing there alone in the snow.
He wasn’t happy.
I wasn’t happy.
I wished we could’ve been unhappy together, under the same roof, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look at his face and ignore that he had lied to me so monumentally. What if I had hated him, hated everything about him?
Marriage for one, please! Coming right up!
But then…
But then…that’s when things started to get tricky. As much as I hated to admit it, if he wasn’t lying now and what he had said about Joshua was true, it looked like he had saved me from him. He had given me