“My suits are custom-made from the finest wool. I am not putting them anywhere near that.” I gestured to the moth-eaten clothes in his hands. “In fact, I don’t even want those in my penthouse.”
“We’ll leave them in the parking garage.”
“Here’s a jacket.” Josh handed it to me. “Now go try it on.”
I gingerly pulled on the outfit in the dressing room.
“I look crazy,” I said as I walked out. The Svenssons doubled over, laughing.
“It’s like Oscar the Grouch had a baby with Braveheart!” Josh choked out.
“Wait, wait!” Eric strode over, grabbed my chin, then smeared something greasy around my eyes.
“Get off!”
“Yes!” Josh rubbed his hands together. “He looks crazy! No woman is going to want to kiss you, let alone be the future Mrs. Winchester!”
5
Grace
“Are you ready to take the greatest journey of your life?” Rainbow, the blonde hippy lady, asked me.
I crossed my arms and scowled.
From behind the cameras, my friends mouthed, “Smile!”
“Sure,” I said, managing a grimace.
“We want to make sure you and your husband are going to be compatible.”
My stomach turned.
It’s just a fake marriage, I chanted to myself. Still, the idea of marrying some guy I had never met freaked me out, even if it was just for show.
“Why do you want to get married?” Priyanka asked.
I took a deep breath. From behind the camera, Gunnar made begging motions.
“I want to get married,” I said slowly, “because I am a wedding photographer. I see the good, the bad, and the ugly of weddings. Sometimes the couples like my work so much that they have me come back and do baby showers or anniversaries, or family portraits. I love the idea of helping to create a brand-new family. I like the idea of having a teammate, someone to share life with—a partner.”
The two women smiled at each other.
Brea made a heart with her hands.
“It sounds like you’re ready for marriage!” Priyanka gushed.
Yeah, or my new acting career, if my book doesn’t pan out.
“Now what kind of man are you looking for?”
“What do you have in stock?” I joked.
“Quite the variety!” Rainbow said.
“I just want someone who is normal, you know, who doesn’t have weird hang-ups like hating tomatoes. He needs to be driven, but not a complete sociopath. Also, I work a lot,” I warned them. “And I won’t be giving that up.”
Wait, what am I doing? It’s not like I’m going to actually be building a life with this guy.
“And do you have deal breakers?” Priyanka asked.
“Not someone who’s a man-child,” I said automatically, thinking of Chris. “And he cannot wear sunglasses inside.”
“Any physical characteristics?”
“Can I have someone who looks like Chris Evans?”
Wait, no! No Chrises.
But…brown hair and blue eyes…
My friends were snickering behind the camera.
“But not Endgame Chris Evans where he was phoning it in,” I amended, trying to salvage the situation. “Just someone…”
“Cut, ripped, with washboard abs?” the hippy lady said with a wink.
“Er…yeah, I mean, if you have that. If not, just someone who’s not a whiny little bitch.”
“Have you dated a lot?” Priyanka asked.
“Hardly ever.”
“Are you a virgin?” Rainbow asked me, gaze intense.
“What? No! I’ve slept with men.”
“Would you say you enjoy sex?” Rainbow pressed.
“Jeez, getting personal with the questions.”
The two women blinked at me.
I blew out a breath. “I mean sure. It’s great.”
“Do you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral?”
My face burned.
“Are you embarrassed by these questions?” Rainbow asked me in that creepy calm way.
“A little.”
“You’re going to be having sex with your husband,” she said.
If he looks like Chris Evans, then I’m sure I will.
Priyanka laughed. “What size cock do you prefer on a man?”
“I…uh…I haven’t exactly measured them, so I couldn’t say.”
“What is the most adventurous thing you would be willing to do in or out of the bedroom?”
“What kind of questions are these?” I demanded.
“Sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage,” Rainbow said sagely.
“Aren’t questions like, do you share the same values, and is one person the type who leaves dishes in the sink to ‘soak’”—I made air quotes—“while the other person actually does dishes, more important?”
“Yes, but you’re not roommates. You’re husband and wife,” Priyanka said matter-of-factly. “Now, how do you feel about sex toys in the bedroom?”
“That was worse than a gynecological exam,” I complained to my friends once the interview was finally over.
“Except you didn’t have to take your clothes off,” Sophie reminded me.
“I need a drink.”
Elsie checked her phone. “Lucky for you, the party bus is almost here!”