Mark of Damon by Eva Chase Page 0,31
years before that either. I couldn’t expect you’d have been waiting to rejoice my return. And I know you and your mom had a tough time of it after Mr. Hallowell kicked us all out.”
“That isn’t your fault,” I had to admit.
“But we used to look out for each other, and then it fell apart. I regret that.”
Somehow the fact that he was being so compassionate about the whole thing made this even harder. I forced myself to meet his gaze. “You’ve pretty much always managed to look out for all of us, haven’t you?”
Gabriel’s smile turned crooked. “I think it’s been a far cry from always.”
“Yeah, but it’s a lot more than any of us managed. We were all caught up in our own ideas and interests, and you were the one who kept us on the same track, bigger and better adventures back then, ways to support Rose…” My chuckle came out raw. “It’s really a wonder we managed to come together without you when she first came back. I almost screwed things up at least a half a dozen times.”
Gabriel shrugged. His eyes had darkened a little as he considered me. “I don’t know what to tell you. That’s just… what feels right to me. I couldn’t have forced us to gel together if we didn’t work as a group. Nothing centers me like knowing I’ve got the four of you and Rose, that we’ve got some kind of connection thriving between us.”
“You don’t have to explain it. This is about what I should tell you.” My grip tightened around the beer bottle. I took a swig to bolster my resolve. Then, staring at the gleam of reflected light on the glass neck, I managed to propel the words out. “I wasn’t a prick to you because I disagreed with how you handle things. I was a prick because it pisses me off that I can’t be half as good at any of that. I don’t think, when we hung out on the estate way back when, there was really anything I wanted more than to impress you. Hell, I basically wanted to be you, and it killed me how impossible that was.”
My throat closed up after the last comment tumbled out. An ache had formed at the base of it, so solid I couldn’t swallow.
Gabriel was silent for a moment. I couldn’t tell if he was waiting to make sure I’d said everything I wanted to get out or if, for once in his life, he simply didn’t know how to respond. When he did speak, his voice came out even but quiet.
“It’s not necessarily so great being me either. I’ve fucked up. I’ve hurt Rose more than once, badly, because of the crap I had to deal with in my own head. If I’ve given the impression that I think I know everything or that I can do no wrong, I’ve got to apologize for that.”
Maybe that was true, but— “I don’t think you could possibly have fucked up as many times or in as many ways as I have.”
The corner of Gabriel’s mouth quirked upward again. “Apples and oranges. You know, there’ve been plenty of times I’ve admired the risks you’re willing to take, the fact that you’ll tell people off when they deserve it no matter what the consequences might be… No one else thought to throw themselves into the line of fire during that last battle with the demon. I figure we’re best off with one of me and one of you.”
I glanced up at him, some part of me expecting to see he was pulling my leg about the whole admiration thing, but nothing in his expression suggested the remark hadn’t been genuine. It was hard to wrap my head around the idea of Gabriel actually being impressed by anything about me, as much as I might have longed for that in the past.
He might even be right. We all brought something different to our weird family. It could be that removing the prick from the bunch would throw the whole dynamic off. And you couldn’t really have more than one ringleader.
“I guess that’s possible,” I said. The ache faded with a rush of feeling that surged through my chest. It was okay. All of it—the resentment, the snarky remarks, the envy I’d struggled with—we could set behind us, just like that. “Still, I’m sorry for when I’ve given you a hard time and you didn’t deserve it. I think I’m