Mari's Mistake - Ruby Dixon Page 0,100

strange flatness to his features that mark him as alien, as do the tiny horns at his brow and the shock of wild pale hair that sticks right up from his head like a flame. Not quite human, but he doesn’t quite match the aliens I’ve seen, either. The strange child tilts his head and watches me, then crouches on his haunches like a wild animal. He’s totally naked, I realize, despite the cold weather, and can’t be more than three or four years old.

Is he…feral, then? How the hell did that happen?

"Hi there, cutie. Who are you?" I smile, my voice sweet, and hold a hand out to him.

His tail swishes back and forth, and as it stirs the sand like a brush, I realize that it’s much, much shorter than the alien tails I’ve seen. It’s stubby and bushy. He giggles at me and then scampers away on hands and knees, racing back to the piles of driftwood.

I straighten, wondering if I should chase him. As I do, I look up.

Another pair of eyes flare to life in the darkness. Bigger. Narrowed.

Menacing.

Uh oh. I stare at the second newcomer as he approaches and realize I am in some serious, serious shit.

Author’s Note

Hello there!

It feels like forever since we’ve been back to Icehome, and I missed it. This book kind of exploded with a bunch of plot things I’ve been simmering on for a while, so let’s take a few pieces apart and talk about them.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, this book would not be possible without Alejandra Amador Garcia. When I released Callie’s book, I got a lot of things wrong about her Cuban-American heritage. I got foods wrong. Expressions. All kinds of stuff. In my ignorance, I thought I’d done enough research. Nope! Alejandra kindly contacted me and pointed out where I’d fucked things. I made corrections, and asked her to advise me on this book for Mari’s Mexican-American heritage, as Alejandra has both Cuban and Mexican family members. She’s been an absolute angel every step of the way, and I can’t thank her enough for her support and kindness in the face of my ignorance. It’s important to get things right, so thank you again, Alejandra. You’re amazing.

Let’s talk about the plot a bit!

I’ve been teasing that things have Gone Wrong between T’chai and Mari ever since they got back. It came down to a concept I’ve been noodling with for a long time: healers can ‘talk’ to khuis, so why don’t they ever guide them with resonance? It would make sense, right? So I played with the idea of the khui being a stubborn asshole of a symbiont (really, it fits given some of the pairings it’s made in the past) and that tampering with it makes it shut down like a fragile snowflake facing internet criticism. I also wanted to play with how a couple would handle resonance not being completed, and I think with given the society that they’re in, it’d create all kinds of inadequacy feelings. You’re literally surrounded by people in love, in the process of being in love, and shooting out babies. Sex is a constant. Procreation is a constant. And knowing that you can’t do either is a special kind of hell because it’s thrown in your face every day.

As a childless woman (mostly by choice, some by shitty biology), I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked by my gynecologist when I want to get pregnant. Or relatives at Thanksgiving asking when we’re making a family. Co-workers ask about your family when you hang out. I’ve gotten used to the questions and the looks like there’s something ‘not quite right’ with you if you choose not to have kids. Even if everyone’s trying to be sensitive about it, you’re aware of it hanging over your head.

It’s a totally valid choice to not have children, but it affects Mari deeply because she DOES want what she and T’chai had previously. She does want a family. And she’s in Resonance Central with everyone in some sort of stage of pregnancy, so it all affects her mindset.

Even more than that, I wanted to play with the aspect of female sexuality. What do you do when you’ve lost your mojo? What if you used to get turned on by your mate and now it bothers you when he touches you? What do you do if your feelings are the same but the physicality isn’t? While everything I’ve written is largely influenced by