My time away from Kelly only reinforced one thing. I loved the marauding bastard, though I hated his actions.
How could I justify loving someone who sold the thing that ruined CeeCee and Ryan’s lives? I’d truly fallen in love with those children, and as much as I missed Kelly, I had missed Ryan, too. When we returned from Italy, I felt like I was finally home, but then again, it was hard to face my husband, not knowing what the truth was.
He hadn’t defended himself or even brought up what had happened after I got home. I went to my room and he went to his, and instead of a hallway separating us, the distance felt further than Italy.
I wasn’t budging on this, and neither was he.
The only small thing he did was leave a note on the counter, right by my favorite teacup, that said, You cannot save people. You can only love them.
I didn’t want to change him, and I didn’t want to save him. I actually fell in love with him as is. But I demanded a brighter future for children like CeeCee and Ryan. I never believed that one person could change the world, but one person could make a difference, even a small one.
Our silence stretched on for weeks, and the tension only grew thicker.
Kelly came home with wounds more often, and Harrison was busier than ever. Raff no longer went with me to practice, or wherever I needed to go. Kelly sent Harrison in his place, and if my brother needed to be someplace else, Harrison sent Lachlan.
I’d never met the side of Cash Kelly that was suspicious, but after I returned home from Italy, he appeared like Kelly’s missing twin. There were times he ordered Harrison to take Maureen, the kids, and me to his house. Sometimes I would take the kids, and Maureen would go back to her apartment. She said that, in all the years she’d lived in Hell’s Kitchen, she had never run from trouble, and she wasn’t going to start—she was comfortable in her place. Other times, we’d go to a completely different house in the city.
Winter came, and it was time for my Broadway debut. It was a limited showing, but if things went well, they were thinking of extending dates. The thought didn’t thrill me like it should’ve. After all those years of audition after audition, working hard at odd jobs to keep myself going until I got the part of my dreams…the night fell flat.
I didn’t even feel excited. I only wanted it over and done.
My Mam was more excited than I was, and for the first time since I told her about my wedding to Kelly, she looked at me with pride again. It used to thrill me when she looked at me like that, like she didn’t blame me for what happened to my sister. But again. It fell flat.
It was a subtle change in me, but one I noticed after spending time with Kelly. He never judged me. He never made me feel like I had to go in one direction or another to get his approval.
Even with Mari. I never showed her who I truly was because I wanted to be the better person for her. A sister she could look up to. The same way I always assumed I’d look up to my sister. Roisin seemed to have this impeccable moral compass, even at a young age. She’d take in wounded birds and they’d trust her right away. I’d throw rocks at car windshields to see how many it would take to make them crack.
Kelly seemed to understand better than most that it was impossible to change someone unless they wanted to change. He taught me that I didn't need to be fixed, and that it was time for me to stop trying to fix other people.
We had a silent mutual agreement—to accept each other without changing each other—and it was one that I never knew I needed until he came along.
I never knew I needed someone like him until he came along.
His chaos had shaken up my false sense of peace, my life, and made the pieces fall around me differently. The pieces had never landed so perfectly before.
My eyes lifted for a second, catching Kelly through the mirror. After all of my family had gone to find their seats, he stood with his back against the wall, watching me.