“Why is it that you are so close to Thatha and I am not?” Nate asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, and turned to look at him. Objectively speaking he was quite a handsome young man and a wonderfully sensitive one as well. He got that from Nanna.
“Lata thinks you’re aloof.”
“Lata is a ditz,” Nate said.
“She’s not that much of a ditz,” I said, remembering the conversation I’d had with Lata and Sowmya just that evening. “She’s actually quite a woman.”
“She is pregnant again,” Nate said in disgust. “Ma told us and . . . it’s just such a farce. The old man wants clean blood, and what the fuck does that mean, anyway?”
Unlike several boys his age, Nate’s vocabulary was not littered with obscenities, so the fact that he was using one clearly told me about his strong feelings regarding the matter.
“They’ll never give you their permission, if that’s what you are looking for,” he said, moving on to the topic I didn’t want to discuss. “And why does it matter, Priya?”
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “I need them in my life. I need you in my life. You’re family.”
“Need is a very strong word,” Nate reminded me.
“I know,” I said. “Oh, how I know.”
We sat in silence then and watched the cars pass by and for the first time since I had been back, I truly savored India. I had sat right here, on one of these benches seven years ago, watching cars pass by and the lights in Begumpet across Tankbund wink at me. I had sat here and wondered about my new life that awaited me in the United States, the land of opportunities. I couldn’t wait to leave, to get on that plane and fly away from my parents’ home and all the problems that came with it.
“Why don’t you want to leave India, Nate?” I asked since I had been so eager to find the new world.
“I like it here,” Nate said. “Why would I leave? Why did you leave?”
I wiped my sweaty hands on my salwar as I contemplated his question. “I left because everyone was leaving. All my classmates had written their GRE, some had married men in the U.S. and others were looking for a groom there. But I think the strongest reason was escape. I wanted to get away from here, from Ma and Nanna and Thatha and the whole family.”
“But you still want their approval?”
“Yes,” I said. “Ironic, isn’t it? I spent so much time trying to get away and now I’m scared that I won’t be allowed back in. They’ve always been my safety net. I have always been daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece just as I have been woman and fiancée. It is who I am. I can’t divorce the family any more than I can myself. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I think so,” Nate said. “I know it looks like I don’t care about them, that I’m aloof. The ditz is right. I am aloof. I don’t . . . You were always closer to them, Priya. I never thought I could compete. I never thought that Thatha would get close to me the way he was to you. Even with Nanna, I don’t have that closeness you do. I envy you . . . a lot.”
“Well, envy no more. I’m losing it all,” I said, a little flabbergasted that the nonchalant Nate was after all not all that nonchalant. How we had all misjudged him.
“No, you’re not.” Nate sighed. “They’ll never let go of you. Nanna loves you, he loves us both, I know that, but I know that he has this . . . this special relationship with you.”
I didn’t deny it. I had always known that Nanna and I had a closer bond. Maybe because I was the firstborn, maybe because I was a daughter, maybe because I was Priya.
“And how about Ma?”
“Ma will surprise you,” Nate said, and smiled. “She may nag, she may be a real pain in the ass, but when the chips are down, she’ll be there for both of us. No question about it.”
“I wish I was that confident,” I said. “She slapped me . . . twice in two days now.”
“That’s her way of showing love,” Nate said, and we both burst out laughing.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Nick earlier?” Nate asked. “You’ve been together for . . .”
“Three years and living together for two of them,” I supplied. “I didn’t want