The Man Who Has No Love - Victoria Quinn Page 0,75

her paperwork, like she was preparing for the following day.

I’d told her I made dinner, so I didn’t know why she was eating processed, chemically enhanced garbage. “I told you I made dinner.”

“I know, Deacon. But I’m fine. Really.”

I stared at her, completely bewildered. “I don’t understand what’s happening here.”

“You don’t need to cook me dinner or include me in your lifestyle.” She didn’t raise her gaze from the papers and kept working.

I stared her down, growing annoyed.

She finally looked at me. “I just want to stay out of your way. I don’t want you to even know I’m here.”

I cocked an eyebrow.

“You said you wanted to take it slow, and now we’re living together. I just want to give you space, not overwhelm you, not turn this into a serious relationship when we haven’t seen each other in months.”

“So, you’re going to sneak around like a mouse?” I asked incredulously.

She sighed quietly.

I moved to sit on the couch, threw the granola bar on the floor, and rested my elbows on my thighs as I looked straight ahead. “Cleo, I want you to feel welcome here. Make yourself coffee, have dinner with me, come home when you’re ready to come home. When I said take it slow, I just meant I didn’t want to jump back to what we used to be when we aren’t there yet. That’s all. I didn’t mean I wanted space from you. I’ve had plenty of space from you—I don’t want any more.”

She breathed quietly beside me.

When a minute passed, I straightened and turned in her direction.

Her gaze was down on her hands as they rested together on her folder. “I just got you back. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it…”

“There’s nothing you could do.” My hand went to hers, and I interlocked our fingers. “I could easily afford to put you in a nice hotel if I wanted to. But I want you here—with me.” After seeing her place in Brooklyn, I wanted her close, somewhere I could keep an eye on her. It’d been a really difficult couple of months, more for her than for me, and I just wanted her to relax. I wanted her to feel safe, not to stress about money, not to worry about provoking me.

She finally turned to me, her eyes vulnerable and clear, like words on a page. She looked at my lips before she raised her gaze and looked in my eyes. “I don’t want space either. I miss you…” She squeezed my hand.

I missed her more than I could ever put into words. It was hard for me to diagnose the pain I’d felt for the last few months, to understand what was going on. I was a professional at collecting data and interpreting those results, but when it came to my own emotions, they were just random data points on a graph—with no correlation whatsoever. All I knew was that I was sad without her, consistently, and even when I had the right to be with other people, I didn’t want it. Wasn’t even tempted. That was love…at least, that was my best guess. “Then join me at the dining table. And have a real meal.”

“I do miss your cooking.”

I pulled the folder off her lap and set it on the other end of the couch before I stood up. I extended my hand to her. “And I miss cooking for you.”

I walked down the hallway, moving slowly because my nose was buried in paperwork. I’d walk a couple feet, stop to read, and then walk again.

“Hey, Deacon.”

I looked up and saw Dr. Hawthorne approaching me, going in the opposite direction. “I’m just going over the titrations I did this morning.”

“And?”

I lowered the papers and sighed. “Inconclusive.”

“Well, you’ll have better luck next time.”

“Yeah…maybe. Are you going to your lab?”

“I’m joining Steve, actually. Asked me to look over his stuff.”

“Alright. Hope you have better luck than I did.” I started to walk.

She pivoted her body as I started to pass her. “You seem to be in better spirits.”

It was an observation, so I didn’t know how to respond. I stopped and looked at her.

“Did you work things out with Cleo?”

Was my physical appearance that different from how it used to be? How did people see these things when I couldn’t? I knew what I felt in my chest, but how could she see it too? My entire body stopped aching; my heart stopped feeling sluggish. Having Cleo in my life, even in