The Man Who Has No Heart - Victoria Quinn Page 0,53
for him to leave, but I knew he would just come back…until he said whatever he wanted to say.
I rested my forehead against the door.
Fuck, I was going to be sick.
He knocked again, the door vibrating against me because it was a thin piece of wood.
I took a deep breath before I opened the door, my eyes connecting to his instantly. They were deep brown like I remembered, serious, focused, intense. He was in a black t-shirt and dark jeans, still muscular and tanned, like he’d been to the cabin recently. I kept one hand on the door, like that would keep him out. I cleared my throat. “Yes?” My heart raced even harder than it had when I’d confronted him at his condo. I was suddenly sweaty, suddenly weak, suddenly terrified…even though he couldn’t hurt me more than he already had.
He slid his hands into his pockets, staring at me for a long time. “Can I come in?”
My hand stayed on the door because I wanted to close it in his face. I wanted to tell him to leave, that I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He’d had his opportunity to talk to me in a civil manner, and he chose to insult me and break my heart instead. But I was weak, too weak to be as cold to him as he was to me. I stepped aside and opened the door wider.
He stepped into my apartment, his eyes immediately moving to the coffee table where his flowers had been.
I shut the door then grabbed the remote to turn off the TV. The background noise disappeared, and now only the suffocating silence was left. I turned to him, my arms crossed over my chest, feeling small without my heels on. Our height difference had never been so stark, except when we went on that hike in our running shoes. “Deacon, it’s nothing personal. I just don’t have the time to—”
“Please let me talk.” He spoke quietly, gently, completely different from the way we’d spoken to each other lately. Even his text messages sounded angry. Now, he seemed somber, his eyes a little dead.
I took a deep breath.
“I’m so bad at this stuff, so just be patient with me…”
My arms tightened.
He brought his hands together in front of his chest, his palms gently rubbing together, as if he needed to move in some way as he considered what he would say next. “It’s been a rough month for me,” he whispered. “I didn’t understand what I was feeling, why I felt so terrible…until it became obvious. I’ve been angry, numb…heartbroken.”
My eyes moved to his face, my breathing starting to pick up.
“I thought we were close because of all the things you do for me. I’ve never had anyone I could rely on to keep my best interests at the forefront. But once you were gone and all those things stayed the same…I realized that has nothing to do with the way I feel about you. The only thing I miss right now…is you.” He extended his closed hands toward me, gesturing in my direction. “Now, I realize you delivered my mail to me when I was there on purpose, so you could see me. You never had to do that. You chose to do that. That’s what I miss…seeing you walk through my front door and join me for dinner.”
I thought I was too heartbroken to feel any affection for him, but my chest immediately tightened at his words…like they meant the world to me.
“You know I don’t like to be around people. I prefer solitude—always. But now that you aren’t around anymore…I’m lonely. It’s like when I lost Derek. There’s always something missing now. Like…a piece of me is gone.”
I breathed, my eyes starting to smart.
He lowered his hands to his waist. “I told you I’m not ready to be in a relationship, but we were already in a relationship. I realize that now. And I also realize how happy you made me…how much we had.”
I’d never expected him to say any of this. It was hard to keep a straight face when I absorbed every single word like a sponge.
He bowed his head for a moment. “I want us to be together…romantically, physically, emotionally…if you’ll still have me.”
My hands gripped my arms because I couldn’t believe he’d said the words I’d wanted him to say a month ago. It was so shocking coming out of his mouth that I could hardly believe it.