Maintenance Required (The Cortell Brothers #1) - Giulia Lagomarsino
Foreword
This series takes place in Indiana, just across the Illinois border, about sixty miles south of Chicago. Though some of the towns are real, most everything is fictional.
Eric
“Eric, I’m telling you man, she’s quiche.”
I stared at him, wondering what the hell he was saying. My brother had a habit of talking like an idiot. He was part of the millennial generation that spoke in a completely different language. One that I would never understand. And if he wasn’t speaking like an idiot, he had those damn earbuds in, constantly blaring music. And I never even knew he had them in because they were wireless. So, I would be talking to him for minutes before I realized he couldn’t even hear me.
He rolled his eyes and sighed. “She’s hot and totally perfect for you. Just go out with her.”
I finished pulling the two by fours out of my pickup truck and slammed the tailgate. “I’m not doing it, Andrew. I’ve had a long day and more work still ahead of me. If you really thought she was so perfect for me, you should have given me her number, not set up a date for us for tonight.”
Andrew ran behind me, ducking out of the way when I swung the two by fours to the side and almost knocked him in the head. Dumbass. He’d learn to move out of the way.
“Come on. Don’t do this to me. I told her that you were a stand up guy and completely reliable.”
“You said that?” I asked, not at all believing him. My brother didn’t say anything unless he said it like a millennial, which basically meant that any normal person wouldn’t understand a word out of his mouth.
“I’m translating for you. Please, man. Kelsey will be pissed if you stand her friend up, and then she’ll never go out with me.”
“So, this is really about you getting with the friend.”
“Well, not totally. Man, don’t be so salty. This chick is totally on fleek. I’m telling you, I can’t even.”
“Would you just shut the hell up? I can’t talk to you when you get like this. I have no fucking clue what you’re saying.”
He groaned in frustration. “I’m saying that you need to ‘chill out’,” he said using air quotes. “This woman is…” He scrunched his eyes as if it took all his willpower to come up with an English word. “Stylin’. She dresses nicely. She’s the total package.”
“See, why can’t you just say that to begin with?”
“Because I sound stupid when I try to talk like you.”
“No,” I laughed. “You sound stupid when you don’t finish your sentences because it’s some secret language that you and your friends have. I’m telling you, if you ever get a real job and try to fit in with the rest of society, I’m going to have to send you to finishing school.”
“I already finished school, you asshole.”
I laughed again. I loved my youngest brother, but he was so out of touch with the rest of the world. He and his friends all reminded me of grammatically incorrect hippies, out to save the world one incomplete sentence at a time.
“Andrew, I have no desire to go out with a woman that you think is perfect for me. She’s probably just like you, and I can’t sit through a dinner where I have to decipher every word being said.”
“Naw, she’s nothing like me. She’s actually more your age, so she’s basic.”
“Basic.”
“Boring, like you.”
“Andrew-”
“Please?” he pleaded. “I really like this girl. She could totally be my bae. Don’t do this to me.”
It was his eyes. Those damn eyes that looked so much like Ma’s and every time he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, I was a goner. I looked to the sky in frustration and yelled.
“Fine. When am I supposed to meet her?”
He did some kind of happy dance and then jumped into my arms hugging me. I shoved him back, uncomfortable with his weird version of a man hug. “Six o’clock at The End Zone.”
“The End Zone? That’s the place where I’m supposed to take this woman on a date? A dive bar?”
“Live a little, bro.” He shook his head as he smiled. “You’re totally going to slay it.”
“Slay what? What the fuck are you saying?”
He pointed a finger at me, his head bobbing around as he laughed. “Don’t do that, Hunty. You know! Alright,” he said turning around. “I have to hit it. Just remember, pics or it didn’t happen.”