on him. The truth is, I’m a little curious myself as to why Hayes, with all that she has going for her, seems so utterly uninterested in any ambition other than being rich in Savannah.
“Hayes,” I ask at lunch one day, “what colleges are you applying to?”
She shrugs. Madison, who is sprawled on the grass, crumples up a burger wrapper and tosses it at the trash can.
“I’m thinking of going back west,” I say. “Santa Cruz, maybe. It’s supposed to be amazing. You want me to get you a brochure?”
“No, thanks,” she says. “Hey, you girls want to get manicures later at See Jane? Or facials? They’re so awesome there. My treat.”
“So, you’d rather go up north, then?” I persist.
“I don’t know, Alex,” Hayes answers somewhat impatiently.
“What about this summer? You girls could go anywhere. You have the money. Maybe we should go to Europe and backpack around.”
Again I get stonewalled. Hayes studies her nails while Madison pulls clumps of grass out of the ground. Later that day, I find Thaddeus at his locker.
“So, I talked to your sister. I don’t know what to tell you. She’s just not into leaving. I even suggested we backpack around Europe, and I got nothing. Zip.”
Thaddeus treats me to one of his small, haughty smiles. “I don’t think Hayes and Madison are the backpacking type.”
“Still, they seem pretty determined not to leave home.”
Thaddeus looks at his watch.
“I’ve got an hour before lacrosse. Let’s go hang at the bleachers.” Like a puppy, I follow him across the school lawn to the playing fields. I can feel the other kids looking at us. What’s he doing with the hippie freak? I don’t care. You know what? They can think what they want. The fall air feels good on my cheeks, and the breeze is filled with the pungent smell of freshly mowed grass.
“Ever been here before?” he asks.
“No. I haven’t gone to any games yet.”
“You should check one out,” he says.
“I’m more into solo sports than team stuff. Mountain biking, hiking, that kind of thing.”
“Cool,” he says. He seems genuinely impressed. “The other MGs aren’t really into that.”
“I think we’ve established I’m not like the other MGs. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be one at all.”
Thaddeus nods. “Well, that’s a hard one to get out of. Trust me, I grew up in a house full of Magnolia talk. I just wish my sister could see past the importance of being socially on top. There’s a whole world out there.”
“What about you? Won’t you miss home when you go to college next year? You’re pretty popular too.”
“Sure,” he says. “I love it here. And yeah, it’s nice that I have a lot of friends. I won’t deny it—life is good here. But there’s more out there. I mean, you know that. With your crazy background and strange upbringing.”
This time, I can’t help but laugh. “You really are bad at conversation, aren’t you?”
He looks down. “We can’t all be as funny as you all the time, Alex.”
My mouth drops open. He thinks I’m funny?
Thaddeus hurries on, as if he knows he’s said something odd. “But Hayes is so into the Magnolias thing, it’s like she can’t see past the borders of Savannah.”
“Well, that happens sometimes, right? The popular people are so used to ruling the school that they don’t see the point of going anywhere else. I was like that at the RC. Comfortable. I’d never have left if my mom hadn’t died.”
“I’m so sorry. That must be pretty awful for you. Was she… the one driving?”
“Yeah. She drove off a cliff.”
Just saying it out loud brings the horror alive all over again.
“Oh, shit, Alex. I can’t believe I asked that. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Suddenly, I realize that I haven’t thought about my mom all day. Am I losing my memory of her? What color were her eyes? Green? Brown? God, I don’t know if I know anymore.
“Are you okay?” Thaddeus asks. He looks genuinely concerned. “Alex?”
“You know, I’ve got to go,” I mumble, turning away. Please, please, please, don’t let him see me cry.
“Alex, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories for you.”
“It’s all right,” I say hurriedly. “I just… forgot something I need to do. Later, okay?”
“Okay,” he says. I give him a peace sign and run down the bleachers, just making it to the bathroom, where I shut myself in the stall, sit on the toilet lid, and finally let myself cry.