And with that, I hear her footsteps grow fainter. It really is the creepiest thing, how you can just fade away in this place. I pull on my fancy new jeans and one of the black tops Madison picked out, and then I join my grandmother in her silver-walled chambers. Always the perfect, slightly inebriated lady, she’s sitting at her writing desk, sipping a cocktail with Jezebel in her lap.
“What’s up?”
“Well, first of all, Alexandria, I was wondering if Hayes and Madison have prepared you at all for the fact that this Christmas you may be allowed to come out?”
I look at her, stumped. Then it hits me. Oh my God, does my grandmother think I’m gay? That thought—especially after the hours I’ve spent obsessing over Reggie—is so funny that I can’t stop the snort that comes out of my nose.
“You want me to come out?”
“Yes, of course. Have the girls mentioned this to you?”
“Uh… no. I don’t think it’s occurred to them, really. I mean, they know I have… that I had… whatever. They know about Reggie, and he’s a guy. So… you know…”
My grandmother gives me a long, perturbed look and takes a healthy sip of her cocktail. “Would you please get a hold of yourself, dear,” she says, setting the glass carefully on a lacy coaster. “I am talking about your debut. As in the Magnolia League Debutante Ball. Or the Christmas Ball, as we call it around town.”
“Oh! Right. See, I thought you meant—”
“Yes, I understand. Not that I would mind if you were gay, honey. I’m Christ Church Episcopal, you know. Been driven from my house of worship simply because I support those light in the loafers.”
“Light in the—”
“The gay Episcopalian bishops. I fully support them. We all deserve the same chance to serve God, don’t we? I don’t care what you’ve got going on in the sheets. Anyhow, a nice, well-mannered girlfriend would have been just fine for you. However, given your preoccupation with that young man in California, I hadn’t had any thoughts of the kind.”
“Oh.”
Wait—how on earth does she know about Reggie?
“All eyes will be upon you, especially since you are new to this. So what we need to discuss is how to get you up to speed on this training.”
“Training? For a party?”
She sighs impatiently, then continues. “You have the genes, of course, but there are certain codes that you need to learn. Mannerisms, dance steps. That sort of thing.”
“Dance steps? Mannerisms?”
“Please, stop repeating everything I say, dear. You sound like a broken answering machine. I’ve arranged a few sessions in the coming weeks. It’s hardly rocket science—you’re a smart girl, so you’ll pick it up.”
I shake my head, trying to figure out how to let her down easy.
“Listen, Miss Lee. I know you’re coming from the right place. It sounds… really nice, this ball thing. But it’s cool, okay? I don’t really need it. I’ll just go to school and be low-key until graduation, and then, you know, be on my way.”
Miss Lee listens to me, thoughtfully playing with the bling on her bracelet. I make a mental note to get her some literature on blood diamonds. Big Jon used to say for every diamond ring, some kid in Sierra Leone had to lose a finger.
“Alexandria,” my grandmother says sternly, interrupting my thoughts. “Have you ever considered the term destiny?”
“Um… not really. At least, not in this case.”
“Well, believe it or not, it is your destiny to be a Magnolia League debutante. You were born into this extremely privileged group of people. We are leaders in the community. People look up to Magnolia League members. If you don’t act a bit more ladylike, you may not be allowed to come out at the ball with your sisters. And not participating… erodes the custom.”
“I don’t want to erode anything,” I say as politely as I can. “But I’m just not into it.”
She smiles coolly. “Let me put it another way: This is how you earn your keep here.”
“What do you mean?” I say, a bit angrily. “My keep? I never wanted to come here. I was earning my keep just fine at the commune. Remember? I already have a skill.”
“Well, while it is true that you were reported to be good at gardening—a highly valued talent, both there and here, as a matter of fact—I’ll have you know that the head of the place, Jon, was concerned about affording to keep you at the