Magical Midlife Love (Leveling Up #4) - K.F. Breene Page 0,5
the way a person was supposed to feel with a friend.
“Yes,” he said.
“And why can’t you smile and…tuck your fingers into your belt?”
“I wasn’t going to tuck my fingers into my belt, and it’s because I have a reputation to uphold.”
“The reputation of a grumpy guy who wants to…scratch his chest?”
“The reputation of a hardass who won’t stand for anyone stepping out of line. If you show weakness as a dominant figure, someone will prey on it. And no, I did not want to scratch my chest.”
“How is smiling or…running your fingers through your hair…?”
His eyes crinkled. “Caught me.”
I laughed. “How is that a sign of weakness? I don’t get it. People who allow themselves to feel and show emotion are not weak. They’re stronger, actually.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why, but when an alpha is too nice, too easy, too expressive…he or she gets an increased number of challenges. People see me loosening up as a green light for them to do the same, and for violent people, that often takes the form of challenges and rowdy behavior.”
“It means more work for you, basically.”
“Exactly, yes.”
“So you’ll never smile again?”
Even though he must’ve known I was teasing, his expression turned uncomfortable and he shifted his body weight away from me. Looking toward the opposite side of the street, he said, “There are a few exceptions.”
“Like…?” I rolled my hand in the air, not sure why he was forcing me to drag information out of him today. Of course, it had been a month and a half since we’d had a normal conversation, minus the rest of my demented Ivy House crew. Clearly he’d forgotten how.
He shifted his weight again, antsy to go. “Like when he’s in private with those closest to him.”
“But not in public?”
He paused for a beat. “In public, people only give exception to an alpha when he’s with his mate or his offspring.”
“Well, at least that’s something. It would be hard to date if you couldn’t laugh at your date’s jokes.”
“No.” His tone was hard. “Not a date, a mate. It’s a magical bond that manifests physically, similar to the magical link we have from Ivy House but much deeper. More primal. It changes a man. It makes him less reasonable. Less logical.” The full weight of his focus came back to me, punching through my humor and lightness like a steel mace. “People forgive an alpha for smiling with his mate or offspring because they know if they do anything that might harm them, even indirectly, the alpha will lose his mind and end the threat with unspeakable force. He will protect his own with everything in him. The smallest slight can turn into a bloodbath. It is safest for all to give an alpha leeway when he is with his mate or children.”
I blinked, my eyes wide, his tone and bearing hostile and haunted.
“That woman from your past…she was your mate?”
“No. I thought she would be, at one time. The reason I acted out back then was because I was young and dumb and full of…” He stopped himself. “Even without that bond, though, I was a menace to society. Even without it, I put people in the hospital and nearly killed my brother. What do you think might’ve happened if she’d been my mate?”
I nodded slowly, watching him, aching for him. I could feel his pain through the magical link we shared. I tended to unblock it these days when talking to him, needing to feel his emotions to gauge what was behind that hard, expressionless mask.
“Gotcha,” I said softly. “I’ll be careful not to badger you into smiling in public. I assume it’s fine on Ivy House soil, since that’s not your territory?”
He watched me silently for a beat. His emotions flicked from one to the next so fast that they were just a jumble of uncomfortable. He finally nodded.
“Well, there you go, then. You just have to stay for a moment after training one of these days. I’ll get Mr. Tom to tell you some jokes. He’s got a few zingers. Of course, he doesn’t realize they are jokes. Since he’s the punch line and all.”
He swore under his breath and looked away. “It’s a lesson in self-restraint speaking with you. Anyway, listen, no biggie, but—” His muscles popped again and his jaw clenched.
I laughed and pointed at him accusingly. “Thumbs in belt loops!”
“Hands in pockets. I did actually want to talk to you about the winery. Mr. Tom sent through the check.