on occasion. I should've known better. Greg never screamed. He just explained things in a logical, unhurried manner until he made you scream instead.
Greg took me to the Sunrise House to have breakfast. He bought me one of those giant pancake combos with jam and whipped cream and while I ate, he talked. I could still remember his patient calm voice. "Sex is a human necessity. It's also an issue of trust, for you more than for other people. Intimacy puts you in danger, Kate."
I shrugged. "I can take Derin. He's not all that."
Greg sighed. "That's not what I mean. Physical intimacy leads to emotional intimacy and vice versa. If you have a relationship with Derin, even if you intend for it to be purely physical, sooner or later you will let down your guard. Tell me, what's the worst thing that can happen if Derin realizes how powerful you are?"
I stuffed a huge chunk of my pancake into my mouth and chewed it slowly, just to irritate him. "He'll connect the dots and sell me out to my real father?"
"That would be unfortunate, yes. But that's not the worst thing that can happen."
"If you're talking about transference, we used protection. I'm not an idiot, Greg."
He shook his head.
"Well, then I don't know."
Greg's blue eyes fixed on me. "Derin is an ambitious sort. Perfect grade point average, valedictorian, the first of his class to be promoted to Apprentice Level Two by the Mage Academy."
"Been spying on me?"
He brushed the barb aside. "Derin aims to go far in life. He wants it all: money, prestige, respect, power. He wants it so badly, he can almost taste it. And you are vulnerable, Kate. You miss your father and you dislike me. You're desperate for acceptance. If you persist, sooner or later--and I believe sooner--Derin will recognize your potential. He'll become the best boyfriend you could ever hope to find: kind, gentle, understanding. You'll fall in love or at least become infatuated. It's natural: if someone makes you feel better, you want to be with that person. Then Derin will ask you to do something for him. It will start small. Perhaps he has a problem with another student. Or he needs to impress a professor to get a scholarship. A small thing. Nothing really.
"It might require you to use your magic or perhaps just a drop or two of your blood. You'll do it, because you love him. Then he'll ask something else. And then something bigger. And every time you comply, he'll pamper you and make you feel as if you're the only woman on Earth. And then one day you'll wake up and realize that you've been used, that you've chained yourself to this man who seeks only to further his own interests at the expense of your feelings and safety, and that his careless use of your power has drawn the attention of your father. Now you must defend him and yourself and you're not ready. Then, when the opportunity presents itself, he'll betray you to save his own skin. This is the worst thing that can happen. Even if you escape, this experience will scar you and emotional scars never heal completely. You'll never recover."
I stared at him, pancakes forgotten.
Greg drank his coffee. "You have a problem, Kate. If you form a relationship with someone weak, he'll be a liability. He'll feel inadequate and you'll deny yourself the satisfaction and joy of a true companionship. If you form a relationship with someone powerful, you run the risk of exposure or of being manipulated and used. Don't ever think that a man in a position of power won't tear down every wall in his way to form an alliance with you. Your magic makes you a priceless asset. How can you tell if someone loves you or craves your power?"
"I don't know."
Greg nodded. "Neither do I. A one-night stand with no strings attached is the safest option for you. It's not fair, but such is your reality. It's your life, Kate. I will advise you, but I won't force you to follow my advice. I do urge you to consider what I've told you. You've come this far. I'd hate to see it all go to waste."
I'd gone back to Derin right after breakfast. We holed up in his apartment, drank cheap booze, and had sex for two days. At the end of the long weekend, I decided to take a shower. When I came out, Derin was holding