Mafia Casanova - M. Robinson Page 0,44

little girl, a child, and before I could stop myself, I was on him, trying to attack, strangle maybe, who knew?

I’d finally lost it.

With a laugh, he grabbed my leg, twisting me around until he could pry me free. Throwing me on the bed next, he swiftly hovered above me.

I surrendered.

Panting.

My chest rising and falling.

Waiting.

For who the hell knew what…

“You’re exhausted, Red. Let me put you to bed.”

“I’m not a child.” I straight up pouted.

“You literally just tried to attack me. If you were standing, you’d probably stomp your feet too.”

“Would not.”

“Would too.” He winked, grinning in that Romeo Sinacore sort of way.

For a moment, we both stared at each other. It was like old times before everything turned confusing, frustrating, ugly.

He was the first to break our mirroring thoughts.

“I missed you, Red. A lot.”

“Don’t.” Tears filled my eyes. “Please don’t.”

“You want me to lie?”

“Lies hurt less than truths.”

“Eden.” He kissed my forehead. “The lies are what separated us, the truth hurts, but it’s the only thing that will eventually set you free.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing has changed. I’m still no good for you.”

“Yet here we are. In the same place we’ve always been. You say that lies are what separated us, but now truths are separating us as well? I don’t understand. What are you keeping from me?”

“What I have to in order for you to move on.”

“Move on from what?”

“Me.”

That one word hurt more than laying my husband to rest.

He pulled me to my feet, making quick work of slipping my shirt over my head.

I stood there in a trance.

Stunned.

Angry.

Happy.

Guilty.

My leggings came next, then socks, panties. My bra somehow came off. He was picking me up into his arms and setting me in the steaming shower.

I flinched when he followed.

Squeezed my eyes shut when he started rubbing his hands all over my body, washing me, cleansing me. It felt like a holy moment, one where you don’t speak your confession for fear that you won’t stop once you start.

He led me under the water.

I kept my eyes closed.

He scared me.

I scared me.

What was happening?

It was as though I was having an out of body experience; I was there, but I wasn’t.

I couldn’t believe he was cleaning me like it was no big deal when it was a huge one. Still, it felt comfortable being there with him. I wanted to open my eyes, but I was afraid of what I’d see.

What I’d feel.

When I was already feeling everything.

I always had Tristian standing between us, we both did, and now… now there was nothing but this chasm of pain between us.

Mistakes.

Regrets.

Memories we could never change.

“You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted but couldn’t have.” He came up behind me, pulling my back against his rock hard body. “That’s my truth. Telling you that doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t change anything. It just makes me angry, and it makes you sad. I’m fucking exhausted from making you sad, Red.”

Cold air hit me in the back as he stepped out of the shower. I let him go; it was just easier that way. Nothing was ever simple between us. Except… walking away.

Later that night, long after he’d fallen asleep, I thought of his words.

Did that mean he still wanted me?

Still cared?

Did that mean he was here for more than just protection?

Or was it because his only competition was dead in the cold hard ground?

With a curse, I threw off the duvet, grabbed a sweatshirt, and left my bedroom.

Thought after thought assaulted my mind, and on my way to the kitchen, I noticed the light to Tristian’s office was on. Before I knew what I was doing, the door was creaking open. Legos littered the floor in an explosion of color.

“Naz,” I whispered.

He missed his hero.

And it would be my life’s goal to make sure he only saw Tristian as that. Despite being one of the biggest lies of them all, it’d be a lie I would gladly tell.

The truth was sometimes too painful to recognize; it left scars where a lie sometimes left a smile.

I started picking up the Legos around Tristian’s old desk. How had Naz gotten so many in here in the first place?

A few toppled over onto a piece of paper.

I glanced at it, then did a double take.

What the fuck?

My heart dropped.

My breathing hitched.

I was lost all over again.

With a shaky hand, I brought the paper up to my face, having to take a seat to keep my legs from giving out on me. In my hands