Mad Max - Sapphire Knight Page 0,65
look. She knows? Just how much did she hear? I thought I was quiet. At least, I attempted to be. Shit.
“Ugh, what are we talking about exactly?” I bite down on the inside of my lower lip. I can only imagine what Danny has to say about this if he heard us as well. They must think I’m an idiot. I would if it were someone else, but I can’t go back and change it now. It’s too late.
She drinks, then folds her arms across her busty chest, not amused with my deflecting tactics. “Last night I called Maximillian.”
I gasp, not anticipating the look of betrayal coming at me from left field. Jesus, what is it with the people I get close to pulling something crazy? “Uh, excuse me? Did you just admit that you’re the one who called Max or was I stuck in my mind?”
She nods, releasing a sigh. “You’ve been having some bizarre dreams, if I had to guess anyway…I don’t know what they’re about, but you end up screaming Max’s name. I asked Danny what to do and we thought it may be best to call your husband. I didn’t want you two to kill each other or anything, but you need to talk things out. You deserve closure, or something…I don’t know, and as my closest friend, I only want to help you get through this terrible time.”
“Oh great, Danny knows about it too? Fuck. Why haven’t you guys said anything to me? I would’ve done…something.”
“You’re already under so much pressure, I didn’t want to add to it. You haven’t spoken to me about what the nightmares are about, and I wasn’t sure how to bring them up. I don’t want you hurting. What do you dream about anyhow?”
“Honestly?”
She nods.
“I have no idea. If I’m dreaming like you say I am, I’m not remembering them when I wake up. I’ve been sleeping horribly, but I thought it was because of my famiglia’s deaths. I never considered it could be about Max,” I mutter, as my mind races and embarrassment heats my flesh. Here I stupidly believed he showed up on his own will…now, I don’t know how to feel about that either.
“Are you okay?”
I shrug, sipping from the hot beverage. “He’s gone, and wasn’t there when I woke up,” I begrudgingly admit.
Her forehead scrunches as she questions, “You wanted him to stay longer? To be there when you woke up, I mean? Are you angry?”
I drink some more, stalling. Why did we start talking about this, anyway? “I shouldn’t have expected something different, or anything at all,” I acknowledge after a moment. “He hurt me, which was exactly why I’ve never sought after anything serious in my life to begin with. I never wanted a made man. The Mafia thrives over bloodshed and deception.”
“It’s okay to miss him or want to be near him…he’s your husband. There’s nothing wrong with missing your husband.”
Even with our twisted type of relationship? I say nothing. I blame it on needing to keep my head straight for work, but in reality, I don’t want that arrogant Brit to break me any more than he already has. I drain the remainder of my coffee and load my cup in the dishwasher. “I’m going to stop by my parents’ place then I’ll head to work. I think it’s time.”
“I can come with you,” she suggests, watching me closely. Giovanna’s a good friend, and sometimes I don’t know if I truly deserve her.
“Thanks, but I need to be able to take care of some of this on my own. I want to see if I can handle being in their house at all right now, or if I need more time.” Although, I know it’ll never become easy, I at least need to start sorting through some of their belongings. There are a few heirlooms that mean a lot to me and I don’t want anything to happen to them. As well as grabbing a few of my dad’s shirts to wear around when I’m missing him more than usual.
“Call me if you need me.”
“I will,” I promise, but inside I know I won’t. I have to do this on my own, for myself. It’s time to start remembering the strong person I was before I met Max, before my famiglia was murdered. Stubborn me will get me through the complications with him, and help me process my grief without completely falling apart. This is another test, one I’m not willing to