Lullaby - Leila Slimani Page 0,34

her feelings. But then, they are always in league against him, like two bears. When it comes to the children, they sometimes treat him with a haughtiness that makes him bristle. They act like mothers, treat him like a child.

Sylvie, Paul’s mother, made fun of them. ‘You act like the big bosses with your governess. Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?’ Paul became annoyed. His parents had raised him to detest money and power, and to have a slightly mawkish respect for those ‘below’ him. He had always been relaxed in his job, working with people with whom he felt equal. He had always called his boss tu, not vous. He had never given orders. But Louise had turned him into a boss. He hears himself giving his wife despicable advice. ‘Don’t make too many concessions, otherwise she’ll never stop asking for more,’ he says, widening his hands apart.

In the bath, Myriam is playing with her son. She holds him between her thighs, presses him against her and cuddles him so tightly that Adam ends up struggling and crying. She can’t stop herself kissing him all over his chubby, perfect cherub’s body. She looks at him and feels a gust of hot maternal love blow over her. She thinks that soon she won’t dare to be like this with him, the two of them naked and close together. That it won’t happen any more. And then, faster than seems possible, she will be old and he – this laughing, pampered child – will be a man.

As she was undressing him, she noticed two strange marks, on his arm and at the top of his back. Two red scars, almost vanished, but where she can still make out what look like tooth marks. She gently kisses these wounds. She holds her son against her. She asks him to forgive her and belatedly consoles him for the sadness he felt at her absence.

The next morning, Myriam talks to Louise about it. The nanny has just entered the apartment. She hasn’t even had time to take off her coat before Myriam is holding out Adam’s bare little arm towards her. Louise does not appear surprised.

She raises her eyebrows, hangs up her coat and asks: ‘Has Paul taken Mila to school?’

‘Yes, they just left. Louise, did you see? That’s a bite mark, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, I know. I put a bit of cream on it to help it heal. It was Mila who bit him.’

‘Are you sure? Were you there? Did you see it?’

‘Of course I was there. The two of them were playing in the living room while I made dinner. And then I heard Adam screaming. He was sobbing, poor thing, and to start with I couldn’t work out why. Mila bit him through his clothes: that’s why I didn’t know straight away.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Myriam says, kissing Adam’s hairless head. ‘I asked her several times if it was her. I even told her I wouldn’t punish her. She swore to me that she didn’t know where that bite came from.’

Louise sighs. She lowers her head. She looks as if she’s hesitating.

‘I promised not to say anything, and I really don’t like the idea of breaking a promise I made to a child.’

She takes off her black cardigan, unbuttons her shirt-dress and exposes her shoulder. Myriam leans in close and is unable to hold back a gasp of surprise and disgust. She stares at the brown mark that covers Louise’s shoulder. It’s an old scar, but she can clearly see the shapes of the little teeth that bit into the flesh, lacerating it.

‘Mila did that to you?’

‘Listen, I promised Mila I wouldn’t say anything. Please don’t talk to her about it. If the bond of trust between us was broken, I think she’d be even more disturbed. Do you see?’

‘Ah.’

‘She’s a bit jealous of her brother. That’s completely normal. Leave me to deal with it, okay? You’ll see, everything will be fine.’

‘Yeah. Maybe. But honestly, I don’t understand.’

‘You shouldn’t try to understand everything. Children are just like adults. There’s nothing to understand.’

How gloomy she looked, Louise, when Myriam told her that they were going to the mountains for a week to stay with Paul’s parents! Myriam thinks about it again now, and she shivers. A storm flickered behind Louise’s dark glare. That evening the nanny left without saying goodbye to the children. Like a ghost, monstrously discreet, she banged the door shut behind her and Mila and Adam said: ‘Mama, Louise has disappeared.’

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