really hot, and knowing that he was tasting my release only added to the titillation.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
He grinned. “I was planning on it.”
I couldn’t believe how totally and completely relaxed I was being, in bed naked with Jackson after he’d just…pleasured me. I had to admit I was surprised how natural things felt between us. I’d been so closed off, for so long, I’d built this moment up to the point of being terrified of it.
But I was here now, and it wasn’t scary at all. A smile lifted on my face, but at the same time his grin fell and so did my stomach.
“What’s wrong?”
Maybe I’d celebrated too soon.
Chapter 17
Jackson
“Intimacy is not something you can force. It’s like talent, darling, either you have it or you don’t.”
~ Josephine Grace Clarke
The look in Josie’s eyes broke my heart. Vulnerability and uncertainty shone through her amber-tinted stare.
“I don’t have a condom,” I said aloud.
I wasn’t just talking about on me. I didn’t own any contraception at the moment. It had been that long since I’d even entertained the idea of needing one.
“Um…” Her large eyes stared at me, still filled with apprehension. “I’m on the pill.”
I’d had other women tell me things like that before, but I’d never considered having unprotected sex. My family was fertile. I came from strong sperm. My mom used to joke that all my dad had to do was look at her and she was pregnant. Even though I knew that was biologically impossible, I couldn’t argue with the fact that they had nine children.
The thing was, even though I knew that it was crazy, the thought of Josie being pregnant didn’t sound like that bad an idea to me. Every other woman I’d been with, it was a nonstarter. If I didn’t have protection, then I called it. Game over. No hesitation. My soldiers didn’t march without the appropriate gear. We could do other things, but nothing that could end in a delivery room.
But the thought of being in a delivery room with Josie wasn’t a turn-off. It was actually appealing. And that was unnerving.
When I didn’t immediately respond, she added, “And I don’t…have anything.”
“Neither do I. I get full panels done every time I go out of the country…and it’s been a while.”
“How long?” I saw a glimmer of something that resembled hope spark in her eyes.
I wasn’t sure why she would be excited about that fact, especially considering it more than likely meant that my lack of recent sex would shorten our time together. “Over a year.”
My answer acted as a fire extinguisher, dousing the flame that had burned there just a moment before.
Seeing her lose that flicker of joy caused my chest to tighten. I didn’t even know why she’d reacted that way, but it felt awful being the one that had caused it, whatever the reason. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head.
I waited. Something was wrong and nothing was going to go any further until we talked about what it was.
“It’s fine. Really,” she assured me in vain.
When I still didn’t respond or move a muscle she sighed.
“It’s just when you said…” She licked her lips nervously. Now I knew what those lips tasted like and my mouth watered to claim her mouth once again. “It’s been…a while for me, too. And when you said—”
“How long has it been?” I cut her off. My answer had clearly disappointed her and I needed to know if that was because it was longer than she’d expected or shorter.
Not that it mattered, either way, but I just wanted to have some clue of where her head was at.
“Um…” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes cut to the side. “I haven’t been with anyone since…since Gio. It’s been ten years.”
Holy shit. Not only had it been a decade, Gio had been her first. That meant I would only be the second person that she’d been with.
When she looked back at me, the depth of vulnerability I saw in her hazel stare squeezed around my heart like a vice. She sucked in a shaky breath. “I just didn’t trust anyone after that. So, I just never…wanted to…you know…”
“You trust me.” It was a statement more than a question. I knew that she wouldn’t be lying beneath me naked if she didn’t trust me.
“I do,” she said softly.
The heart that had felt like it was being squeezed in a vise just moments before, now expanded so much it felt like it could