life?" Not that that was a long list, but still. "My mother's going to see me like this and think I've had plastic surgery - but what about in ten years? She's only seventy - trust me, by the time she's eighty or ninety, it is going to dawn on her that her son's not aging. Or do I have to give her up?"
Manny got to walking again, and as he pulled on his hair, he could have sworn it was thicker. "I lost my job today - because of what happened after my memories were scrubbed. During that week I was away from you, my head was so fucked-up, I didn't know whether it was night or day, and that's all they have to go on, because it's not like I can explain to them what really happened." He turned back to her. "My issue is, this is the only body I have, the only mind, the only ... anything. You vampires messed with my brain and I almost lost it - what are the consequences of this? All I know is the cause.... The magnitude of the effect? Not a clue, and that terrifies me for a good goddamn reason."
Payne brought the tail of her thick braid over her shoulder and smoothed it while she dropped her eyes. "I am ... sorry."
"It's not your fault, Payne," he groaned as he threw up his hands. "And I don't want to put all this on you, but I - "
"It is my fault. I am the cause."
"Payne ..."
As he started for her, she put her palms up and backed away. "No, do not come near me."
"Payne - "
"You are right." She stopped when she bumped into the glass door she'd come in through. "I am dangerous and destructive."
Manny rubbed his cross through his shirt. In spite of everything he'd said, at that moment, he wanted to take it all back and somehow find a way to make things right between them.
"It is a gift, Payne." After all, she and the horse had demonstrated the benefits of short-term exposure. "It's going to help you and your family and your people. Hell, with what you can do, you'll put Jane out of business."
"Indeed."
"Payne ... look at me." When her eyes eventually lifted to his, he wanted to weep. "I ..."
Except he let that sentence drift. The truth was, he loved her. Completely and forever. But that was the curse of all this for them both, he suspected.
He was never going to get over her, and there would never be anyone else for him.
Squaring his shoulders, he braced himself. "I have one thing to ask."
"What would that be," she said roughly.
"Don't scrub me. I won't tell anyone about you or your kind - I swear on my mother. Just ... leave me as is when you go. Without my mind, I've got less than the nothing."
Payne had been flying high when she'd left the compound. Her brother had shared the incredible news as soon as she had returned just before dawn, and she'd spent the entire day vacillating between floating on a cloud and being really impatient with how slowly time was moving.
Then she had come here.
It was hard to imagine that her heart had been so full of joy just ten minutes ago.
It was not, however, hard to understand Manuel's position. And she was surprised that neither of them had anticipated the larger implications of her ... healing power. Or whatever it was.
Of course it would affect him.
Looking at Manuel, she found the tension in him unbearable: He was honestly and truly anxious about what he would be left with if she took the memories of their time together away from his conscious reach. And why wouldn't he be? He had lost his beloved job because of her. His body and his mind were in danger because of her.
Fates, she should never have gotten near him.
And this was precisely why intermixing with humans was frowned upon.
"Worry not," she said softly. "I shall not compromise you mentally. I have done more than enough."
As he exhaled his relief, she felt tears clog her throat.
He stared at her for a beat. "Thank you."
She bowed a little, and when she righted herself, she was shocked to see a shimmering in his beautiful mahogany eyes.
"I want to remember you, Payne ... all of you. All of it." That sad, yearning stare of his searched her face. "The way you tasted and felt. The sound of you