back to his hunt, disappearing into the room, that pumping growl getting louder. From out of the open doors, there came a delighted squeal, a scramble, a female's gasp, and then... nothing.
He'd caught her.
John put his hand on the wall, steadying a lurch he hadn't realized he'd fallen into. As he thought about what they were doing, his body grew curiously loose and a little tingly. Like maybe something was waking up.
When Zsadist came out a moment later, he had Bella in his arms, her black hair trailing down his shoulder as she lounged in the strength that held her. Her eyes were locked on Z's face while he looked where he was going, her hand stroking his chest, her lips curved in a private smile.
There was a bite mark on her neck, one that had very definitely not been there before, and Bella's satisfaction as she stared at the hunger in her hellren's face was utterly compelling. John knew instinctively that Zsadist was going to finish two things upstairs: the mating and the feeding. The Brother was going to be at her throat and in between her legs. Probably at the same time.
God, John wanted that kind of connection.
Except what about his past? Even if he made it through his transition, how was he ever going to be that comfortable and confident with a female? Real males hadn't been through what he had, hadn't been forced at knifepoint into a hideous submission.
Hell, look at Zsadist. So strong, so powerful. Females went for that kind of thing, not weaklings like John. And there was no mistaking it. No matter how big John's body got, that's what he would always be: a weakling, marked forever by what had been done to him.
He turned away and went to the dining room table, sitting down alone in the midst of all the china and silver and crystal and candles.
But alone was okay, he decided.
Alone was safe.
Chapter Twenty-one
While Fritz went upstairs to get Marissa, Butch waited in the library and thought about what a good guy the doggen was. When Butch had asked for a favor, the old man had been thrilled to take care of the request. Even though it had been an odd thing to ask.
When the smell of an ocean breeze drifted into the room, Butch's body threw out an instantaneous and very noticeable response. As he turned around, he made sure his suit jacket was in place.
Oh, Christ, she was beautiful in that teal gown. "Hey, baby."
"Hello, Butch." Marissa's voice was quiet, her hand unsure as she smoothed her hair. "You look... well."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Thanks to V's healing palm.
There was a long silence. Then he said, "Is it okay if I greet you properly?"
When she nodded, he went over and took her hand. As he bent down and kissed her, her palm was cold as ice. Was she nervous? Or ill?
He frowned. "Marissa, you want to sit down for a minute before we go in to dinner?"
"Please."
He led her over to a silk-covered couch and noticed that she was unsteady as she gathered the skirting of her gown and sat down with him.
He tilted her head around. "Talk to me." When she didn't speak right away, he pushed. "Marissa... you've got something on your mind, right?"
There was an awkward pause. "I don't want you fighting with the Brotherhood."
So that's what it was. "Marissa, last night was unexpected. I don't fight. Truly."
"But V said if you were willing, they were going to use you."
Whoa. News to him. Far as he knew, that thing the night before had been about testing his loyalty, not bringing him into the field as a regular gig. "Listen, the brothers have spent the last nine months keeping me out of fights. I'm not getting involved with the lessers. That's not my deal."
Her tension eased. "I just can't bear the thought of you being hurt like before."
"You don't worry about that. The Brotherhood does their thing, it's got little to do with me." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "You got anything else you want to talk about, baby?"
"I do have a question."
"Ask me anything."
"I don't know where you live."
"Here. I live here." At her confusion, he nodded toward the library's open doors. "Across the courtyard in the gatehouse. I live with V."
"Oh - so where were you last night?"
"Right over there. But I stayed put."
She frowned. Then blurted, "Do you have other females?"