Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood #4) - J.R. Ward Page 0,46

her he was beautiful.

"What, baby?"

"Have you... have you had many lovers?"

He frowned. Inhaled. Looked like he didn't want to reply. "Yeah. Yeah, I have."

Marissa's lungs turned to concrete as she imagined him kissing other females, unclothing them, mating. She was willing to bet the vast majority of his lovers hadn't been clueless virgins.

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God, she was going to throw up.

"Which is another reason it's good that we stop," he said.

"How so?"

"I'm not saying it would have gone this far, but I would need a condom."

Well, at least she knew what one of those was. "But why? I'm not fertile."

The long pause didn't inspire confidence. And neither did the way he cursed under his breath. "I haven't always been careful."

"With what?"

"Sex. I've had... a lot of sex with people who might not have been clean. And I did it without protection." He flushed as if ashamed of himself, the color riding up his neck and slamming into his face. "So yeah, I'd need a condom with you. I don't have any idea what I'm carrying."

"Why weren't you more careful with yourself?"

"Just didn't give a sh-er, yeah..." He reached out and took a piece of her hair. As he carried it to his lips and kissed it, he said under his breath, "Now I wish I were a goddamned virgin."

"I can't catch human viruses."

"I wasn't just with humans, Marissa."

Now she went completely cold. For some reason, if it was with females of his own species, with women, that struck her as different. But another vampire?

"Who?" she asked tightly.

"Somehow I don't think you'd know her." He dropped the strand of hair and put his arm back over his eyes.

"God, I wish I could undo that. Undo a lot of things."

Oh... Jesus. "It happened recently, didn't it."

"Yeah."

"Do you... love her?"

He frowned and looked over at her. "God, no. I didn't even know her-oh, shit, that sounds worse, doesn't it."

"Did you take her into your bed? Did you sleep beside her afterward?" Why in the hell was she asking these questions? It was like poking at a cut with a steak knife.

"No, it was in a club." Shock must have shown on her face, because he cursed again. "Marissa, my life isn't pretty. The way you've known me, being with me Brotherhood, dressed in fancy clothes... that's not the way I lived before. And that's really not who I am now."

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"Who are you, then?"

"No one you'd ever know. Even if I were a vampire, our paths would never cross. I'm a blue-collar kind of guy." At her look of confusion, he said, "Lower-class."

His tone was factual, as if he were reciting his height or weight.

"I don't think of you as lower-class, Butch."

"Like I said, you don't really know me."

"When I lie this close to you, when I smell your scent, when I hear your voice, I know everything that matters." She looked down the length of him. "You are the male I want to mate with. That's who you are."

A dark, spicy scent came out of his skin in a rush, the kind of thing that were he a vampire she would have said was his bonding mark. As she drew it in through her nose, she took strength in the response.

With fingers that shook, she went to the first of the little buttons on her bodice.

He captured both her hands in one of his. "Don't force yourself, Marissa. There are things I want from you, but I'm in no hurry."

"But I want to. I want to be with you." She pushed him away and started working at the buttons, except she didn't get far because she was trembling so badly. "I think you're going to have to do it."

His breath went in on an erotic hiss. "You sure?"

"Yes." When he hesitated, she nodded at the bodice. "Please. Get this off me."

In slow succession, he freed each of the pearl buttons, his battered fingers sure, the dress opening little by little as he went. Without her corset on, her naked skin was revealed in the shallow V that formed.

As he got to the last one, her whole body started to quake.

"Marissa, you're not okay with this."

"It's just... No male has ever seen me before."

Butch went motionless. "You are still..."

"Untouched," she said, hating the word.

Now his body trembled and that dark scent flowed from him even more strongly. "It wouldn't have mattered if you weren't. I need you to know that."

She smiled a little. "I do. Now